Monthly Archives: July 2012

Share Your Story and Build a Movement: Why Do You Believe in Equality?


Posted on July 31, 2012 by

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Youth Organizing and Policy Institute - OrlandoIf you’re a regular reader of the Feronia Project, chances are that you’re interested in issues of sexual health. But here’s a question for you: how did you come to be interested in the movement of sexual health, reproductive justice, and equitable health care? And how can you use your story of self to bring people into the movement as well?

This is just one of the things that you’ll learn at the Youth Organizing and Policy Institute. Are you 18-24 and interested in this work? Join the YOPI closest to you this summer – find out more here.

I was lucky enough to go through YOPI training this summer, and learned that nothing is as important as sharing your story. So, I’ll share my story if you’ll share yours:

When I was 13 years old, I stood in the dark in my childhood bedroom, holding the phone. On the other end, my 41-year-old father was telling me that he had just been diagnosed with lung cancer. Every parent deserves the opportunity to watch their child grow up – and during his two-year battle with the disease, he and his health care company underwent every treatment possible to have that happen. Because he was insured, he was given every opportunity to try.

Ten years later, I decided to move to the United Kingdom to get my master’s degree. I spent a few years there and decided that while the United Kingdom was lovely, there was no place like home. In 2009, I moved back to the United States and got a job – but didn’t have health insurance and couldn’t afford it. I was too rich for Medicaid and too poor to afford a monthly insurance premium, so where did I go in my time of need? Where did I go to get my yearly checkups? Planned Parenthood.

Planned Parenthood helped me when I needed it, and the compassionate care of the staff at the health center remains one of my best health care experiences. While I now am fully covered by health care, I still go to Planned Parenthood for my checkups. Those patients in the waiting room, waiting for their care? It wasn’t too long ago that I was one of them, waiting and wondering when I could afford to get health care in case, God forbid, something catastrophic happened to me – like I, and many others, know all too well.

That’s why this movement is important to me. That’s my story of why I do what I do every day.

What’s your story? Why did you get involved in reproductive justice and equitable health care – and why is it important to you? Would you like to use your story to build a movement? Join your nearest YOPI.

Communication and the Sexual Response Cycle


Posted on July 30, 2012 by

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The Sexual Response CycleWhen we have sex, our bodies go through predictable physiological states. Different researchers have categorized and labeled these states in various ways, but I most often come across William Masters and Virginia Johnson’s four phases.

Phase One: Excitement
Your body experiences increased muscle tension, an increase in heart rate, flushing of the skin, and hardened nipples. Due to increased blood flow, you’ll probably also experience swelling and hardening of the clitoris or penis. The walls of the vagina also swells, and it produces lubrication. Breasts may also swell in size. The testicles swell and elevate slightly, and the penis secretes a lubricating fluid, as well.

Phase Two: Plateau
Everything you experienced in phase one, intensified. Sometimes the clitoris becomes so sensitive that contact may be uncomfortable. The bladder closes to block possibility of urine mixing with semen, and muscles at the base of the penis start to contract so that semen can be expelled at orgasm.

Phase Three: Orgasm
This is the peak of excitement. There are involving involuntary muscle contractions in the vagina, uterus, base of the penis – even the feet! You’ll also have higher blood pressure, rapid breathing, and a faster heart rate. Ejaculation occurs and there is a release of sexual tension.

Final Phase: Resolution
The body returns to its pre-excitement status, with normal heart rate, blood pressure, and breathing. There is a usually a general sense of happiness and intimacy, and a feeling of fatigue. The time it takes to return to phase one of the sexual response cycle, sometimes called the refractory period, varies from person to person and can be minutes to days.

Knowledge of our bodies’ responses to sex can help us understand our needs. Our sexual response doesn’t always line up with our partner’s – one person might be nearing the orgasm phase before the other is even fully excited. Or, someone might be in resolution phase while the other is still in plateau. Both of these things can be frustrating, and it’s important for everyone’s comfort level to understand and respect what their bodies are telling them.

A good example is in this Feronia post about ciswomen or transmen who attempt intercourse before they are excited and find that vaginal penetration is uncomfortable because they aren’t lubricated enough. I once met a ciswoman in a heterosexual relationship who expressed disappointment and embarrassment over a “medical problem.” She stated that during intercourse, she would orgasm before her partner, and then intercourse would become dry and painful. She felt guilty that she wasn’t able to immediately return to her excitement phase and enjoy sex with her partner. But of course, it wasn’t her fault, and there was nothing wrong with her!

Here are some tips to help you and your partner communicate about your bodies and what you need during sex:

  • Tell/Ask: Tell your partner how you’re feeling, ask your partner how they’re feeling.
  • Pay Attention: Is your partner lubricated? Are their nipples/clitoris/penis erect? Are they breathing fast? If your partner doesn’t seem to be having fun, doesn’t seem turned on, isn’t actively participating, then STOP. Find out if you need to go slower, or just stop altogether.
  • Take breaks if needed: Sometimes, especially once someone is in the resolution phase, you might need to give them time before continuing, if they still want to. Remember, no one owes anything anything sexually and consent can be withdrawn at anytime.

You Want Me to Massage My What?


Posted on July 26, 2012 by

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Many of us have heard of the ring of fire that engulfs the vulva when the baby’s head is crowning and stretching your vagina in ways you never imagined possible.

Massaging your perineum can sometimes help prevent some of the discomfort, tearing or ripping and, possibly, the need (in some cases) to have an episiotomy during the delivery of a baby. An episiotomy is an incision made by a medical provider when they feel: the labor is not progressing; serious tearing seems very likely to occur; or the baby needs to be delivered quickly because of a medical condition (i.e., the umbilical cord is wrapped around the baby’s neck). According to the American College of Nurse-Midwives, 40-85% of women who have vaginal deliveries will tear and about two-thirds of those women will need stitches. For those who are unclear where their perineum is, it is the area between the bottom of your vagina and the anus. This area is sometimes referred to as “the taint.”

Some women are encouraged by their doctors or midwives to massage this area, starting approximately 4-6 weeks before their due date, to help the skin become more pliable for the incredible amount of stretching it will endure during delivery. If you are interested in performing this type of massage you should consult with your healthcare provider on how to properly perform the procedure. They may prescribe a specific lubricant, like KY Jelly or natural oils like vitamin E or olive oil.

Bottom line: The jury is still out if whether perineal massage significantly reduces tearing or the need for an episiotomy. Midwifes and women who have performed the massage prior to delivery state that it greatly reduces vaginal trauma. The midwives in the practice I’m going to swear by it, which is good enough for me. If it doesn’t work then there was no harm done, and if it does then I will be extremely thankful that my precious perineum does not have stitches in it for 6-8 weeks after delivery. Ouch!!

All About Asexuality


Posted on July 25, 2012 by

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Asexual FlagAsexuality is one of the more interesting topics in sexuality these days to me, largely because talking about it reveals a lot of assumptions that our society makes about people. Plus, ‘ace’ has become the general term online to describe asexuality resources, and as we know, awesome terminology always makes things better.

First off, what is it? The Asexual Visibility and Education Network defines asexuality as experiencing no significant sexual attraction in others, or lacking any interest in sex. It’s not celibacy – experiencing desire but choosing not to act on it – and it’s not a temporary loss of libido, which many people go through at different times in their lives. Instead, it’s a general, ongoing absence of sexual desire, and an intrinsic part of who a person is.

Other non-straight sexual orientations and identities have evolved and shifted over time, and most people in those groups have experienced being ‘in the closet’ for some period of their lives. However, since they’re all rooted in the presence of a sexual desire that’s outside of the mainstream, any acknowledgement of that desire or action that comes from it involves an active challenge to the status quo – even if it’s not a public challenge.

Asexuality, however, is a much more ‘below-the-radar’ orientation. You might learn that I’m bi because it comes up when I’m talking about my ex-girlfriend, and I might learn that you’re polyamorous because I’ve met two of your partners. But unless you consciously come out as ace, people may never know that about you.

But even if asexuality doesn’t come up explicitly, the issue of sex comes up all the time in conversation, and it’s part of why asexuality as an identity is becoming more widely acknowledged. Asexuality is inconspicuous in the sense that you may not have to explain how you and your ‘roommate’ are happy in a one-bedroom apartment, but there are a surprisingly large number of people who will start to ask really probing questions if you’re consistently flying solo at family events. Pre-sexual revolution, keeping quiet about your sex life was pretty common, but now that our norms have shifted, not talking about sex can end up being a pretty loud choice to make.

There’s a lot more to asexuality than simply ‘not having sex’ – there are a number of people writing and speaking about asexuality, and some of the definitions are still evolving. Folks who are asexual can still have romantic relationships, have families, and get married. There’s no one-size-fits all approach when it comes to describing asexuality, but it’s important for us to be sure to include it when we’re talking about broader policies of sexual health. After all, sometimes a healthy sex life doesn’t involve sex.

What is a Pap Smear, Anyway?


Posted on July 24, 2012 by

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A lot of women understand a pap smear as something they have to do to get their birth control, and may not know much about it beyond that. I know that when I decided to get on birth control at 18, I had to go get a full well-woman exam, and all I knew was that it was awkward and the speculum was uncomfortable. It was years before I actually knew what the purpose of the exam was, beyond getting a prescription for birth control. Because a pap involves a pelvic exam, I’ve noticed some women assume that if they had a pelvic exam, a pap was done. Not true! Let’s discuss what actually goes on in a pap smear, and when and why you should do it.

Your well-woman visit consists of your breast exam, a bimanual exam (performed by the doctor with both hands, to check the size, shape, consistency, and location of the cervix and uterus), and a pap smear. The pap smear is the part that involves a speculum.

The Speculum: Everyone's Favorite (not).

The practitioner takes a small brush and collects cells from your cervix, and at the lab a cytologist examines the cells to make sure they look normal.

Normal cells mean you don’t have cancer. Abnormal cells require further testing to require if you have precancerous changes (dysplasia), or possibly cancer. Cervical cancer often has no symptoms until it’s advanced, and symptoms may include irregular bleeding, which can be caused by other things and, therefore, be overlooked. Because of this, it’s important to get your pap smear regularly even if you feel fine.

The important thing to remember about a pap smear is that it’s a cancer screening, not an infection screening. Don’t assume that because you had a pelvic exam, you had a pap! Some infection screenings require a sample of vaginal discharge, and usually this means a practitioner will require a speculum exam.

A pap smear won’t tell you if you have a sexually transmitted infection (although abnormal results may indicate the presence of high-risk HPV, a second test must be done at the lab to confirm), or a common vaginal infection such as yeast, bacterial vaginosis, or trichomonis. If you have symptoms of infection, be sure to talk to your healthcare provider.

Here’s some questions you might want to ask yourself and your health care provider:

Do I need a pap smear if:

  • I have irregular bleeding or bleeding after sex?

If you are due for one or if all infections have been ruled out, probably. Ask your healthcare provider!

  • I have discharge, odor, or pain during sex?

You definitely need an infection screening, which will involve the provider inserting a speculum and taking a sample of discharge for testing. They most likely will not do a pap at this time.

  • I want to get tested for STIs?

A pap doesn’t directly test you for HPV or other STIs. You can get screened for most infections through urine and blood tests.

For routine pap screenings, current testing guidelines state:”It depends on your age and health history. Talk with your doctor about what is best for you.”

Most women can follow these guidelines:

  • Starting at age 21, have a Pap test every 2 years.
  • If you are 30 years old and older and have had 3 normal Pap tests for 3 years in a row, talk to your doctor about spacing out Pap tests to every 3 years.
  • If you are over 65 years old, ask your doctor if you can stop having Pap tests.

Ask your doctor about more frequent testing if:

  • You have a weakened immune system because of organ transplant, chemotherapy, or steroid use;
  • Your mother was exposed to diethylstilbestrol (DES) while pregnant; or
  • You are HIV-positive

If you are younger than 21 and require birth control, ask your healthcare provider what you need to do to get a prescription without a pap smear.

Sexualizing Our Youngsters: What Does It Mean – and Why Should We Care?


Posted on July 23, 2012 by

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A new study published in the journal Sex Roles found that girls as young as 6 are self-identifying as sexy. Researchers presented two paper dolls to groups of girls ages 6-9 and asked them a series of questions about their attitudes and identity with the images. One of the dolls was sexually-objectified, with tight revealing clothing, while the other was wearing looser and less revealing clothing (see photo of actual dolls used at right). Researchers asked the girls to identify with which doll they wanted to be most like, which they thought they did look like, which they would want to play with, and which was most popular.

To me, the results were not surprising. Overwhelmingly, these girls identified with the “sexy” doll in all four categories measured. Results found that 72% thought the sexy doll was more popular than the non-sexy doll, and 68% wanted to look like the sexy doll.

We’ve known these ideals exist within teens and women, but this study was the first to show data that links self-sexualizing with girls this young. It was only a matter of time until the “Toddlers in Tiaras” phenomenon infiltrated the self-esteem and self-images of our youngest sisters and daughters. You might be asking, “So what? What does it matter if girls as young as six are identifying with sexually objectified icons, and internalizing the pressures to be sexually appealing to others?” Well, in 2007 the American Psychological Association released their widely received report on the dangers of sexualization and sexual objectification of girls and women, and found that sexualization is strongly correlated with negative self-image, eating disorders, depression, low self-esteem, decreased ability to concentrate/focus, lowered scores in math and science, lowered condom-use, and even higher rates of sexual assault.

What is sexualization, as the APA defined it? Sexualization occurs when:

  • a person’s value comes only from his or her sexual appeal or behavior, to the exclusion of other characteristics;
  • a person is held to a standard that equates physical attractiveness (narrowly defined) with being sexy;
  • a person is sexually objectified — that is, made into a thing for others’ sexual use, rather than seen as a person with the capacity for independent action and decision making; and/or
  • sexuality is inappropriately imposed upon a person.

With an emerging culture in which stripper poles are manufactured for young girls, child-sized “wink-wink” thong underwear is sold by top retailers, and bikini waxes are marketed to those just entering puberty, it’s not difficult to see the fragile position we’re putting our youngest generation into: be sexy, or go unnoticed.

These images don’t just impact girls’ self-expectations, they create a cultural landscape in which (cisgendered) boys and men are taught to expect the (cisgender) girls and women around them to live up to these sexy standards in order to be attractive or of value.

Feronia readers, what do you think about exposing our youngsters to these sexualized-images?

Fun Friday: Before Getting Married…


Posted on July 20, 2012 by

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Happy Friday, kittens. Kind of a sad day, isn’t it? Our hearts are with those in Colorado.

But…there are good things in the world, too. Like, for example, this adorable girl, who wants one thing before she gets married: a job.

(Thanks to our friends at Planned Parenthood of the Rocky Mountains for showing us this!)

Yahoo for Yahoo: A New Female CEO…and She’s Pregnant, Too!


Posted on July 19, 2012 by

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You may have heard the story recently: Marissa Mayer, one of the first Google employees, was named as the CEO of Yahoo earlier this week. At 37, she is the youngest CEO ever of a Fortune 500 company. Awesome for women and awesome for young leaders.

The kicker?

She’s six months pregnant, too – she’s the first woman to be named CEO of a Fortune 500 company while pregnant.

Awesome for women, awesome for young leaders, and awesome for Yahoo.

There seems to be a constant story in the media of how women can’t have it all: in fact, it’s on the cover of the Atlantic this month. Many people are commenting on the “lack of ambition” among young women, because they “can’t have it all.”  This lack of ambition is (supposedly) why there’s a dearth of women in high positions at many companies, particularly those in the Fortune 500.

Well, as a young(ish) woman, I have to say: I don’t know these young women the media is speaking of. Yes, I will admit that I’m ambitious myself, but I’ve had this conversation more than once with similarly ambitious women and even if you don’t have children, women – and increasingly, men – understand that both are large responsibilities.

What’s really important? The recognition by Yahoo that Marissa Mayer is a smart and savvy woman who is fully capable of understanding that she will need help (nannies, family members, etc.) to take day-to-day care of her child but that this does not make her any less of a CEO – nor does it make her any less of a mother.

It also doesn’t hurt to point out that this is a discussion that is largely conducted by those who can afford to have it; many women do not have the choice of choosing to “have it all.” My mother was one of those women and in my discussions with her about this topic, she told me, quite honestly, that you have to admit you need support with child care, no matter where it comes from. (And if this comes from family members, like mine did? Your child builds great relationships with their extended family, and no one can say that’s a bad thing.)

As a young girl, having a mother who worked was a great role model for me and I think it made me as ambitious as I am. It also made some things very clear for me: I wanted a partner who recognized that my ambitions were just as important as his and who supported me in those (and vice versa).  I also know that if I have children that his support, the support of my family and/or the support of a nanny is key – and it wouldn’t make me any less of a mother.

And if Marissa Mayer can turn around Yahoo? Her son will have a heck of a role model and someone he can look up to – as a mother and a CEO.

The Hymen: No Popping Fruit Here


Posted on July 18, 2012 by

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CherriesSome things never change. When I was a teen, and later when my daughters were teens, I’ve been asked again and again about “popping cherries.” What we’re talking about here is the hymen. There is no fruit or popping involved.

Before puberty, the opening to the vagina is often hidden behind the hymen, which can be nearly translucent and stretches across the opening of the vagina. Since the hymen is made of the same tissue as the vagina, it is estrogen-sensitive. Once a female begins puberty, estrogen levels increase, making the hymen become thicker, shorter and more elastic. Think of it being like a cloak covering the opening to the vagina in a child, but during puberty it is shaped more like a ring. Nature seems to be preparing the female for first intercourse by naturally opening the hymen. (This also explains why a female who has never had vaginal intercourse can safely insert a tampon).

I also get asked if a doctor can tell if a girl is a virgin. Countless parents have threatened to drag their daughters in for a virginity check. It’s not possible to tell by a visual exam. The only person who knows for sure is the girl herself.
Another myth is that a hymen can be injured by sports. Research has shown that if there is bleeding, it is probably an injury to the vagina.

There may be stretching during first intercourse, but more than half of females interviewed did not experience any bleeding. If there is bleeding it is probably caused by one of two things. First, there not being enough estrogen to the area. A bit of estrogen can be prescribed. The second reason has to do with lack of sexual arousal. According to “The Guide to Getting It On,” “Another reason why a first intercourse can be painful is when the male partner is inexperienced, rough, has poor aim, is really big or there’s not enough lubrication.”

If a female was molested or the hymen was somehow damaged, it usually heals in a day or two.

Hopefully, this can help put the cherry popping myth to bed … so to speak.