Author Archives: Fosgood

“Fat Talk” – My Journey to Self-Acceptance


Posted on June 17, 2013 by

A recent NY Times article really hit home. It was about females engaging in self-deprecating comments with others and themselves about their body. How familiar is that?! Looking back on my own struggle with accepting myself, and now listening to my two adult daughters struggle with their own issues, I feel a cascade of emotions. Anger at a society that teaches us to be so judgmental, frustrated that the women’s movement has made so little progress in this area and sad when I see my daughters and students in my classes criticize themselves or others for perceived physical defects.

LoveYourselfbeachsceneWhere did I get that inner voice that was constantly judging other women’s bodies and especially my own? I was brought up with a mother who never made comments about her body (except she hated her straight hair) or her three daughter’s bodies (except that I was too talkative and loud). But, I do remember her and my aunt mocking people of a larger stature seen in public eating ice cream. “Well, they certainly don’t need that!” was a frequent comment. As a young woman I was thin, fit and had a successful career as a teacher. Yet, every bite I took, every time I didn’t exercise, I chastised myself. I’d complain about my body to males I was dating. They never seemed to have any complaints and must have chalked my comments to insecurity or it just being a girl thing.

Giving birth to two daughters made me determined to never make negative comments about my body or theirs to them, no matter what was going on inside my head. I always stressed being healthy and the importance of being active and strong. They both have struggled with obesity and finally as adults are coming to terms with their genetics (Italian peasant stock on father’s side, German on my mother’s side) and a sensuous nature where eating is one of life’s greatest pleasures.

When I divorced their father, I was determined to find that authentic self and exuberant youth that somehow got lost in a long marriage and parenthood. I vowed to stop the negative self-talk and celebrate my freedom and newly revived sexuality. I met a delightful man on a blind date and 13 years later we’re still going strong! One of the things he said attracted me to him was how comfortable I was with my body and my sexuality despite stretch marks, saggy breasts, post-menopausal spread, and spider veins (my words not his!). I guess I did a successful performance convincing him that I was confident and comfortable. Even though I was anxious, I kept reminding myself that if he couldn’t accept me for the wonderful woman I knew I was, then he wasn’t the one for me. Now if a negative thought pops into my head, I just think how exceptional it is to be healthy, sensual, and loved. I will never go back to that sad, self-doubting person I once was.

My advice to all is to stop that voice as soon as it starts and turn it into something loving and positive. People will love you even more if you love yourself first. I guarantee it. I remember an interview with a woman on her 100th birthday. She was asked if she had any regrets and she said, “I should have eaten less beans and more ice cream.” Love that one! Check out Planned Parenthood’s website for more on body image.

How Abstinence-Only Education May Revictimize the Victim


Posted on May 20, 2013 by

I recently read an article by Elizabeth Smart about her ordeal being kidnapped at the age of 14 and being held in captivity for nine months where she was repeatedly raped. She was found walking down a street with her kidnappers. Numerous people asked her why she didn’t just run away. She recently has addressed this publicly by blaming her conservative upbringing which stresses abstinence until marriage as the only option. She recalled a lesson from school that compared someone who has strayed from this teaching as a piece of gum that had been chewed and thrown away. Since she could no longer be considered untainted by her family, church and community, she felt she was useless, and unlovable. What was the point of trying to run away when no one would see her as anything but a piece of trash?

As a teacher of comprehensive sexuality education for 20 years, I am still occasionally confronted by this thinking and method of trying to scare teens from sexual activity. Several teens have told me they were raped, but were afraid to tell their parents because of how they felt the parents would react. I’ve been asked how to tell really strict religious parents about a pregnancy. By delaying revealing the pregnancy until the parents notice limits options to adoption or keeping the baby and no prenatal care is received. I remember one 8th grader who had sex one time approaching me after class. She knew exactly when sex occurred and since she hadn’t had a period in over 5 months she figured she must be pregnant. What really convinced her was that her “stomach now sticks out when it used to cave in.” I tried to convince her of the importance of telling her parents and how important it was to get prenatal care. She said she wasn’t even allowed to date and her parents would kill her. I saw her several months later and asked how she’d been. She informed me she had been in the hospital after drinking bleach to try to terminate her pregnancy and avoid telling her parents.

When talking to adults I try to express how important open communication is with teens and how trying to use shame, guilt and fear does not necessarily prevent sex but may prevent them from coming to you when they need you the most. Teens desperately need trusted adults in their lives to discuss everything, but especially sexuality. Even if you aren’t a parent, you may be the one person a teen feels safe coming to when in crisis. For help talking to a teen in your life, visit the Planned Parenthood website.

Nexplanon: The Injectable Birth Control


Posted on May 9, 2013 by

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Photo (c) Merck Pharmaceuticals.

Last week, I was helping in one of our clinics when I overheard someone say the next patient was getting Nexplanon inserted. Curious one that I am, I asked the Nurse Practitioner if I could watch, with the patient’s permission, naturally. With her approval granted, I entered the room and tried to be as inconspicuous as possible.

She was in her late teens and accompanied by her mother. Although she was on Depo, so received shots every three months, she was very nervous and afraid she’d pass out. After she lay down on the exam table, the NP gave her an injection to numb the area under her left arm. A plastic device containing the small rod was inserted in the numbed area and the rod was inserted. A few adhesive strips and a pressure bandage were placed over the site. The entire procedure took about 5 minutes. Despite her initial anxiousness, she was chatting and laughing with her mother when she left the room.

Nexplanon works for 3 years. Three years without having to remember to take a daily pill, change a weekly patch, replace a ring once a month or get a shot every 3 months. The failure rate with these methods is greatly increased when human error comes into play.

Nexplanon is 99.9% effective in preventing pregnancy, the same as a tubal ligation or vasectomy (female and male sterilization). Along with the other hormonal methods it works by preventing an egg from being released from an ovary, thickening the cervical mucus and thinning the lining of the uterus.

As with any medicine or medical procedure, there are possible, but rare complications. Before you decide on what method works for you, do your research, know your medical history. And always remember that this method does NOTHING to prevent a sexually transmitted infection. To learn more visit www.nexplanon.org or visit Planned Parenthood’s website.

Informing Your Partner of Your Positive STI Result


Posted on May 2, 2013 by

Life can present you with many challenging situations. One of the most difficult scenarios is what to say to a current or past partner when you’ve received a positive STI test result. You want to do the right thing, but what to say, when to say it, and how to say it can seem overwhelming. The website  So They Can Know offers a variety of options to help facilitate the process, although nothing can really remove all the embarrassment and stigma that one might feel.

If you can’t manage a face-to-face conversation, one option is to call them. For some, this is the easiest, most direct approach so they can gauge how the person reacts and then react accordingly. This is one of the least impersonal and most courageous route to take, but certainly not for the faint of heart.

Others cannot even imagine having to speak to a former or current partner in person or by phone so tips on e-mailing or texting are also offered by the folks at So They Can Know.

Another option is to send an anonymous e-card from a company called inSPOT. You can find a variety of cards on their website.

inspot-message

Whatever option you pick, be assured that you are doing the adult, responsible thing, difficult as it may be. Wouldn’t you want to know?

HIV and Trans Women


Posted on April 15, 2013 by

Nearly a fifth of the world’s transgender women are infected with HIV. A recent analysis compiling the results of 39 studies involving 11,000 transgender women from 15 countries came to this startling conclusion. This number is 49 times higher than the general population, 36 times higher than males and 78 times higher than other females. For the study, transgender women were defined as individuals born as biological males who currently identified as female. Transgender women who engaged in sex work were also significantly more likely to be infected with HIV than male and other female sex workers.

So why are transgender women so much more likely to contract HIV? The authors of the report offered several reasons. They believe that many of the infections occurred through unprotected anal sex. Next to direct blood to blood contact through needle sharing, anal sex is the easiest route for transmission. Anal tissue is more easily torn during anal sex than through either vaginal or oral sex. If they have had a recent vaginoplasty/vaginal construction, they are also at greater risk of infection. Transgender women are more likely to be involved with sexual partners who are infected with HIV and engage in sex work.

transgender_HIVPrevalenceThe stigma, discrimination, and fear of judgement associated with being transgender are significant factors that lead to many women avoiding routine health screenings. And to make matters worse, few health care workers, HIV counselors, and physicians are trained in transgender women’s health care issues.

Hopefully, this study will help open doors to future strategies to help address this overlooked population. To read the entire article, click here.

 

Protecting Your Child From Sexual Abuse


Posted on April 1, 2013 by

image01One of the most terrifying aspects of parenting is knowing how to protect your child from sexual abuse. Most parents don’t have the luxury of being with their children full-time and need to rely on others for help. Frequently, a family member, friend or trusted adult is used as childcare, but statistically, a child is most frequently molested by someone he or she knows. No parent can protect their child completely, but by establishing an atmosphere where communication starts early and happens often can go a long way to prevent a tragedy or be able to deal with it if it should happen.

We love the following five safety tips from RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network) on practical things parents can do to protect children from sexual abuse.

1. Talk. Talk often with your child and set a tone of openness. Talking openly and directly will let your child know that it’s okay to talk to you when they have questions. If your child comes to you with concerns or questions, make time to listen and talk to them.

2. Teach. Teach your child key safety principles. For instance:

  • Teach children the names of their body parts so that they have the language to ask questions and express concerns about those body parts.
  • If your child is uncomfortable or if someone is touching them, s/he should tell a trusted adult immediately.
  • Let your children know that if someone is touching them or talking to them in ways that make them uncomfortable that it shouldn’t stay a secret.

3. Empower. Your child should know that s/he has the right* *to* *speak up if they are uncomfortable, or if someone is touching them. It’s okay to say “no” even to adults they know and family members.

4. Implement. Implement Internet safety protocols, and parental controls through platforms such as the Google Family Safety Center. Work with older children to set guidelines for who they can talk to online, and what information can be shared. For instance, be cautious when leaving status or away messages online and when using the “check-in” feature on Facebook or Foursquare.

5. Educate. Educate yourself about the warning signs of childhood sexual abuse. Know what to look for, and the best way to respond.

If you or someone you know has been affected by sexual abuse, it’s not your fault. You are not alone. Help is available 24/7 through the National Sexual Assault Hotlines (800-656-HOPE and online.rain.org).

Pedophilia – Research is Taking a Different View


Posted on March 28, 2013 by

As a parent, I can imagine few things more horrific than having my children molested. I rarely had anyone but my husband or I watch them and was always wary of any adult male they came into contact with. I taught them early on about stranger danger and to speak up for themselves.

But as a reader of history and fascinated by all things sexual, I can’t help but ponder how much a part of human nature pedophilia truly is. A recent article in the LA Times brings to light new research on the subject. It is estimated that between 1% and 5% of men are pedophiles, meaning that their central sexual attraction is to prepubescent children. Some experts now view it as a sexual orientation that develops during puberty and does not diminish with adulthood, and is as much a sexual orientation as heterosexuality or homosexuality.

In searching for the causes of pedophilia, researchers now dismiss early childhood abuse since only about one third say they were molested themselves as children. There is new evidence that there are biological roots. Thirty percent of pedophiles are left handed, triple the general rate, they are nearly an inch shorter on average and have a 10-point lower IQ.

Clearly, there is a lot more to learn and I am in no way condoning sexual activities involving children, but I think we need to take a closer look at a behavior that seems to have spanned humankind. To learn more click here.

Self Love is Safe Love: A History of Masturbation


Posted on March 5, 2013 by

Masturbation Doesn't Screw With Your Eyes, Really

Today we are re-running an oldie, but so very goodie: Fosgood’s history of masturbation post. Enjoy!

Masturbation has a long and colorful history.  According to some ancient Egyptian myths, the god Apsu created the Milky Way when he copulated with his fist. (This certainly gives star gazing a new twist!) Greek men and women both were known to masturbate and saw it as a gift from the gods. They believed the god Hermes taught his son Pan how to masturbate to help heal his broken heart when he was rejected by the nymph, Echo.

Some took it a bit too far: the philosopher Diogenes masturbated in public stating that no human activity should be seen so shameful that it must be done in private; his fellow citizens disagreed. The physician Galen felt that the retention of semen is dangerous and leads to sickness while Hippocrates cautioned that loss of excessive amounts of semen could result in physical damage, such as spinal cord deterioration.

Women in ancient Athens commonly purchased dildos known as olisbos, made of padded leather or wood. Greek men saw masturbation as a sign of poverty and if you had the money, you would pay someone to do it for you. A few centuries later, Roman boys were encouraged to deplete their sexual energies through philosophy and gymnastics, the Roman equivalent of a cold shower.

Many of the negative attitudes about masturbation are attributed to the Bible, but no mention of masturbation is found; actually, what is referred to is the story of Onan, who  protested God’s commandment to impregnate his brother’s widow, whom he did have sex with but pulled out and “spilled his seed.”  From here, things went way downhill. An early Christian bishop taught that masturbation was a worse sin than adultery, rape and incest because it was “unnatural” and a form of contraception. On and on the debate went for many centuries. By 1729 the “post-masturbation disease” came with a long list of serious and debilitating symptoms and charlatans made a killing selling cures for this dreaded affliction.

Things became so extreme that be the turn of the 20th century parents were encouraged to have their sons circumcised so as not to be aroused when cleaning their foreskins and daughters to have clitoridectomies (removal of the clitoris).  Parents were encouraged to place their children in straightjackets, or wrap the child in cold wet sheets and apply leeches to remove blood and congestion, or burn genital tissue with hot irons to make sure their child had no access to their genitals at night where the evil deed was likely to happen.

There has been much improvement in the attitudes about masturbation, but there is still a long way to go. On a regular basis, health educators today still hear very negative responses about masturbation. (Female masturbation, in particular, is often greeted with something like, “Eww, that’s nasty!”) I’ve frequently asked parent groups concerned about masturbation if they would prefer their child masturbate or be out having sex, possibly causing a pregnancy or contracting a STI. That gets them thinking – though many would just prefer their child have no sexual feelings at all.

We know masturbation is an important way for people to discover their own sexuality, prevent infection (as long as their hands are clean), and prevent a pregnancy – and we would sincerely hope it’s sex with someone you love!

Edit: Historical facts come from the Planned Parenthood Federation of America’s white paper publication, Masturbation, From Stigma to Sexual Health.

New STI Fact Sheet from CDC – A $16 Billion Price Tag


Posted on February 21, 2013 by

This month the Centers for Disease Control published its latest report on the incidence, prevalence, and cost of STIs in the US. Even I was shaking my head. The report states that there are approximately 20 million new infections each year costing the American health care system $16 BILLION in direct medical costs alone. While most STIs will not cause physical harm if diagnosed and treated early, some have the potential to cause severe health issues. This is a dollar amount only. What about the emotional cost? How are relationships or potential relationships affected? Priceless.

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Nearly 50% of the new cases are found in people between 15 and 24, though this age group accounts for only 25% of the sexually active population. STIs don’t show much of a gender preference. Women have a slight edge at 51% of new cases compared to 49% in men. I always wonder about all of the people who have not been tested and have no symptoms.

What to do? More education, easier access to testing, more free testing available, better communication between partners, condom promotion? It must be a cultural shift that includes all of the above. To read the entire report click here.

Please don’t assume you are not at risk because you’ve only had one partner, always use a condom, or have never had a symptom. To make an appointment for an STI check visit us at Planned Parenthood.

Sexual Behaviors: No Risk…Some Risk…Risky


Posted on February 13, 2013 by

An important part of my job as a sexual educator is informing people about the risks of various sexual activities and giving them the knowledge to make informed decisions. One of the ways to look at sexual behaviors is to place them on a spectrum ranging from no risk to high risk.

safe to unsafe postcardNO RISK
Activities that involve NO exchange of body fluids released from the genitals or skin to skin genital contact fit in this category. While saliva can spread the flu, a cold and mono, as long a neither party has oral herpes, you can kiss to your heart’s content. Mutual masturbation is about as safe as things can get and still involve genital contact. Good old humping, bumping, grinding, dirty dancing, anything with clothes is no risk. Showering together, erotic massage are acceptable as long as things don’t slip on over to other higher risk activities.

LOW RISK
Here’s where protected sexual activity comes into play. We’re talking oral, anal and vaginal intercourse. Think barriers. It could be a male or female condom. Plastic wrap or latex dental dam type protection for oral sex on vulva or anus. Slightly riskier is oral sex without a barrier.

HIGH RISK
Any vaginal or anal sex without a barrier puts you at high risk for STIs. Using drugs or alcohol can easily cloud your ability to make good decisions. Any activity that involves the possible exchange of blood is also right up there, including menstrual blood.

Any sexual activity can have some risks, but you can greatly reduce your chances of spreading or contracting an infection by knowing how to wrap it up, cover it up or just think of something else to do! (We’ve got plenty of suggestions for you!)