The other day two of my girlfriends and I went to dinner, and like many of our conversations we discussed sex-related topics. We talked about some of the train wreck dates we went on, which led to us talking about other sexual issues. One of them began talking about how she must have a really tight vagina because vaginal sex always hurt, especially in the beginning. I asked her some questions and we determined that they were going right into vaginal sex without some type of foreplay. In the beginning of most relationships it doesn’t take much to get turned on, but as it progresses most of us need a little help before we can become well lubricated. I informed her of the old comparison which states that women are generally like ovens, they need time to heat up and time to cool down. Compared to men that are like microwave ovens, they can heat up quickly and cool down quickly. This means that for most women they have to have foreplay before they participate in vaginal sex or insert something into the vagina.
Unfortunately my friend’s issue is not uncommon. According to the Center for Sexual Health Promotion at Indiana University 1 in 3 women experience pain during sex. Thankfully, the study reports that only about 10% of the women who experience pain during sex have a medical issue to blame. This means that the overwhelming majority of women who say sex hurts can correct this issue with a few simple tips.
• Make sure you are well lubricated. Hopefully it is your own lubrication, but if you need a little help try a man-made lubricant like gun oil or sliquid.
• Communication is key to ensuring your needs are being met during sex. Your partner is not a mind reader, and the way they pleased previous partners may not “rock your boat” in the same way. He/she may be going right for the genitals because that is what a previous partner liked or what they would like if you were pleasuring them. You have to tell them what you like and what feels good because not everyone is turned on in the same way. Many women like other parts of their bodies stimulated first, and if asked, state that they would like their genitals to be the fourth or sixth place on the list. Men would generally state that the first area they would want touched or stimulated would be their penis.
• Make sure you do not have a vaginal infection or an STD. Please seek medical treatment if you are experiencing an unusual symptoms, change in discharge, smell, discomfort, bleeding, etc.
• Make sure the only reason you are having sex is because you want to and it’s not just to please someone or keep them from leaving you. If you want to be in a sexual relationship with your partner but cannot overcome previous sexual trauma, you may want to seek help from a therapist.
Keep a look out for next month’s post when I will be discussing tips for safer and more pleasurable anal sex.