Tag Archives: choice

How to Talk About Abortion: Not in Her Shoes


Posted on May 15, 2013 by

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Today’s post is written by one of our fabulous interns.

As a long-time ally and volunteer for Planned Parenthood I have often been engaged in discussions with family members or friends who do not necessarily agree with my beliefs about abortion, or who are interested to hear my thoughts on this issue. And I have often been tempted to jump into discussions on social media sites when friends post their personal convictions about abortion or links to articles discussing the topic. These conversations can be very tricky to navigate because I want to be honest and candid about my views without inflaming an argument.

Luckily, I was recently able to participate in a workshop on just this subject. The tips I learned have really helped me frame my approach to talking about abortion.

“I am not in her shoes.” As a Planned Parenthood supporter, this is the overarching message I should send out.

not_in_her_shoes1Instead of listing examples of hypothetical situations when a woman might need or want an abortion (ex. the fetus has a severe abnormality; or the pregnancy is a result of rape) emphasize that it would not be right for decisions to be imposed upon a woman; especially if you have not walked in her shoes. By offering justifications to choose abortion, I not only invalidate the rights of women who chose abortion for a different reason, but I also risk hitting gridlock in conversation with someone who does not agree that abortion would be an acceptable choice in my example. Instead I would recommend expressing that we do not know every woman’s situation, and we have to trust that women can make the best decisions for themselves.

Additionally, it is important to avoid falling into the trap of labeling others as “pro-life” or “pro-choice.” Abortion is a multifaceted and personal issue, and discussing it in a binary fashion is simply not productive in many cases. The categories of pro-life and pro-choice do not reflect the nuance and complexity with which many Americans understand and engage with this issue. In fact, 40% of recent voters say that their views on abortion “depend on the situation,” and nearly one-quarter of recent voters said that either both or neither of the labels “pro-life” and “pro-choice” describe their viewpoint. Instead of approaching this topic as a dichotomy with a “you are with me or against me” attitude, it is important to enter these discussions with sensitivity and openness. The emphasis should be that abortion should remain safe and legal (a statement most voters agree with), and “We have not walked in her shoes.”

For more information on this topic check out this excellent source of information.

Pregnant by Choice


Posted on January 26, 2012 by

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Three years ago, I stood on the corner of a busy intersection, 7 months pregnant, proudly holding a sign that boasted, “Pregnant by Choice.” It was the anniversary of Roe vs. Wade and I wanted to remind people that choice means more than abortion. My mother’s pregnancy with me was unplanned, but not unwanted. It was 1979 and she had the choice to abort, but didn’t. Her boyfriend at the time wanted her to terminate the pregnancy, but she didn’t and left him instead. Take THAT for choice!

Two years ago, I stood on the same corner holding my 10-month-old in one arm and a sign in the other: “Pro-Privacy, Pro-Family, Pro-Choice.” Some young man walked past, pointed to my baby and said, “Wouldn’t she be dead?” He missed the point completely. Having a choice doesn’t mean having an abortion. Having a choice means that a woman has the right to decide what happens: parenting, adoption, abortion. Having a choice means that a woman has access to medical care, birth control, and community resources. It’s not a choice when a woman has to choose between paying for birth control and paying for her rent. Birth control should be free to all men and women who want to use it. Greater access to birth control, education, and medical care means fewer unplanned pregnancies and fewer abortions – it’s pretty simple.

This year, I again stood on that corner, reproductive justice sign in one hand, 13-week-old fetus in my uterus. I was standing next to an older feminist who actually knew what it was like to live in a time when abortion wasn’t legal and we were commenting to one another how there were so many more honks of support than in years past. I believe that the attempts to outlaw abortion (personhood, TRAP laws, etc) are helping people form their opinions about abortion AND helping them find their voice to speak up in support of the Roe vs. Wade decision. Most Americans are in support of the Supreme Court decision; many of them are just too afraid to speak up.

Before I drove down to the corner to rally, I dropped off some HIV tests at the Health Center. It just happened to be the day many abortion patients were scheduled. As I stood there on the corner looking at the few thumbs down/negative comments coming from the cars, I couldn’t help but think that these people looked just like the ones sitting in the waiting room. I know plenty of people who have had abortions, real women with jobs, families, degrees, and not one of them carries shame around with them. And you know some too – you just might not know it. After all, 1 in 3 women will have an abortion by the time they reach 45.