To Lube or Not to Lube

It can be difficult to decide whether you should use lubrication and which type and brand is right for you and your partner. Here are a few simple tips to hopefully help you find the right one. Remember, it can be like Goldilocks at first and it may take experimenting with a few different lubes to find the one that is just right.

Reasons to consider using lubricants:

  • It may make sex feel better
  • It makes condoms less likely to break
  • Helps women who have vaginal dryness
  • Should be used for anal sex to help prevent tearing

Water-based lubricants with glycerin (Astroglide, KY Jelly, Pink) & water-based without glycerin (Good Clean Love, Blossom Organics, Please)

Silicone-based lubricants (Eros Pjur, Sliquid, Wet Lubricant, Liquid Silk)

Pros:

  • Rinses out of the body easily and easy to clean up
  • Can be used on sex toys
  • Sweeter tasting
Pros:

  • Lasts longer than water-based lube
  • Never gets sticky
  • Can be used for massage
Cons:

  • Can feel sticky on the skin
  • Are not as long-lasting as silicone
  • Are not good for use in water
  • May stain linens and towels
  • Lubrication with glycerin is not recommended for women with diabetes, immune deficiencies, and chronic yeast or vaginal infections.
Cons:

  • Can damage some silicone toys
  • Are more difficult to rinse off/out of body (especially out of the vagina)
  • More expensive

FYI: People have come up with some very strange things to use for
lubricants. The best way to explain what to use and not to use is as lube is to simply remember: anything you put in your hair, anything you cook with or eat, and anything you can find in your bathroom should not be used as a lubricant. People should know that if it is not designed to be used with condoms they should not use it. Furthermore, anything with oil in it can trap bacteria in the body and cause a condom to break.

By the way, there are also lubes that are organic, vegan, phylate-free, and paraben-free. For a list of a variety of lubes, you can visit Goodvibes.

The Final Frontier: Birth Control…for Men?

The Male Birth Control PillEvery once in a while, a news story pops up about some new male birth control that’s in the works, and I always think the same thing: “I’ll believe it when I see it.” Although we get an occasional tease in the media, birth control has always largely been the domain of women.  Sure, vasectomies have been around for a long time now, but when it comes to reversible birth control men have condoms, withdrawal, and…what else? Let’s do a quick run down of male birth control options, the current and the (allegedly) upcoming.

Condoms. You know how these work; if you don’t, we’ve covered it here on the Feronia Project.

  • Pros: Up to 98% effective when used correctly every time. Easily available and simple to use, and you can get them for free at the Health Department and Planned Parenthood.  Try using them with some water-based lubricant (not nonoxynol-9, which can cause irritation which may increase the chance of getting an STI) and spermicide.
  • Cons: feels unnatural to some people, may decrease sensation or cause allergies in the latex-sensitive (try polyurethane condoms!), and you have to interrupt foreplay to put them on.
  • Biggest bonus: Condoms are the only method on this list which protect both partners from sexually transmitted infections.

Withdrawal. Also known as the pull out method. I’m super biased against this method for three reasons which we’ll discuss.

  • Pros: It’s available to everyone with a willing partner, free, and doesn’t require health insurance or seeing a doctor.
  • Cons: It’s only 73-94 % effective, and here’s the catch: you have to do it right (that’s what she said! Sorry). Men have to have a lot of self-control and knowledge about their bodies, which takes experience and practice. Pre-seminal fluid, the fluid that comes out of the penis before the man ejaculates, can still contain sperm so pregnancy can still happen. Also, if the man ejaculates on the vulva (outside the vagina), pregnancy can still occur – sperm really can swim.

Here are my thoughts:

  1. 73% effective with typical use? When there are methods out there that are up to 99% effective? No thanks.
  2. Trust no one, that’s my motto.  Even the most well-meaning man can forget, or get caught up and lose control, and hey, pre-seminal fluid is beyond their control anyway. Too risky.
  3. The plural of anecdote isn’t data, but I swear that I’ve seen so many positive pregnancy tests in my day by women who checked the “withdrawal” box on their birth control questionnaire. Scary.  Still, I know it’s not easy for everyone to obtain other birth control methods for financial, time, or other personal reasons, so withdrawal may be your best option at times.

Vasectomy. Story time! I was on a first date with this guy, and he mentioned that he wanted to get a vasectomy soon and was just waiting for an appointment with his doctor. Instantly, music swelled and cartoon birds started flying through the air, and my eyes turned into hearts and sprung out of my head. (That really happened. We broke up, though.)

Vasectomies deserve their own post (which is coming soon!) because there are a lot of myths and misinformation surrounding them. I think the biggest barrier to a vasectomy is getting the man to agree because a lot of men think you’re cutting off their testicles or forcibly removing their manly essence or something. In reality, vasectomies are safe, quick, and easy. Ejaculation still occurs, but the vas deferens (the tube that carries sperm) is blocked so that there is no sperm in the seminal fluid. Sex still looks and feels totally normal. No organs are removed, hormones and sperm production continues; sexual pleasure and sexuality are not effected.

  • Pros: Birth control that doesn’t interrupt sex and is nearly 100% effective and I don’t have to do anything – and it’s permanent? Sold. As you can tell, I love vasectomies.
  • Cons:  It’s permanent. Reversal surgery is expensive, complicated, and there’s no guarantee, so you need to be sure that it’s what you want.

(PS: Our local Planned Parenthood offers vasectomies; if you’re in Florida and interested in a vasectomy, check out our man Dr. Stein at his site).
RISUG. The most exciting up-and-comer. The hard-to-pronounce acronym stands for Reversible Inhibition of Sperm Under Guidance and in the US is called Vasalgel.  I’m not a fan of the names, but otherwise it sounds amazing.

The vas deferens is numbed with an anesthetic and then a polymer gel is injected into it and kills sperm – for up to 10 years. Then, when the man decides he’s ready to have kids, there’s another injection to get rid of the polymer and welcome back sperm. It’s been in trials for about 15 years in India, and starting trials this year in the US with hopes that it will be available in the United States by 2015.  I’m really hoping this becomes available and catches on, because it sounds like it could be a revolutionary new family planning tool for men and women both.

What else?
Apparently there are other things potentially on the horizon, creams, implants, and pills, which I can’t find a lot of information on, individually. However, you can read this article on male birth control options on MSNBC and the men who are trying them out.

Here’s my question, though. Say we finally get reversible male birth control on the market – will men use it? Would women want them to?

For a lot of people, the answer is an obvious yes. Many men will be delighted at the chance to have more control over the decision of when to get pregnant. Women who have experienced bad side effects on hormonal birth control will be happy to let their men try it out so they can have a break. I think a lot of men may be suspicious and hesitant; men aren’t used to their sexuality being medicalized like women’s sexuality has. Plus, for some men, there may be psycho-social factors to take into account, given the cultural links between masculinity, power, the penis, testicles, virility, etc.  For women, giving up control may feel too risky – if a guy misses his pill or his birth control otherwise fails, he’s not the one getting pregnant.

What do you all think? Would any of you try RISUG? Have you had experiences with condoms or vasectomies, good or bad? Dudes, would you take a birth control pill? Ladies, would you feel comfortable with your man being the one on the pill? Tell me about it.

How Do You Have “The Sex Talk” with a New Partner?

Let's Talk About SexSo, you meet someone you think you want to have sex with and you are trying to be a responsible adult when it comes to sex. You’ve heard all the scary talk about HIV, chlamydia, herpes, HPV, etc., and you are definitely not ready to bring a baby into your life. How do you bring up the topic with your potential new partner?

Well, the best time is not when the hormones are peaking, bodies are sweating, hearts are pumping and sex is about to happen. The blood flow is not pulsing in an upward direction towards your brain, so the conversation might not be most effective at this time. Pick a time when you are fully clothed but in a private place. Starbucks is great for a first date, but probably not the best place to do some sexual negotiating.

There has hopefully been some indication that this person is interested in you as more than a friend. A longing look, a kiss or grope before you say good night, a bit of steamy sexting are always good indications that someone is looking to take it to a physical level. If you read the signals wrong and start a conversation about safer sex with someone not interested in you that way, this could be one of the most embarrassing moments of your life. But, better to be embarrassed now than having to explain to all future partners about these little bumps, periodic blisters or need for daily meds.

First, you need to be clear in your own mind: what do you want from your partner? Always use a barrier like a male or female condom? Does your definition of sex include oral and anal sex as well? (Remember health class? Sex includes oral, anal and vaginal intercourse.)  A full battery of testing for sexually transmitted infections before you go any further? And that just covers infections. What if the possibility of pregnancy is in the picture? Is this someone you would want to parent with? What if a pregnancy should occur? Do you agree on what the outcome should be: parenting, adoption, abortion?

So you’ve figured out your requirements for sex. You’ve got your list and checked it twice. What do you say? How do you start the conversation? You need to be yourself. Does humor work for you? Do you sort of slide into a topic or just blurt things out? No matter how you start the conversation, it will most likely feel awkward, unless you’ve done it before. Practice may not make perfect, but it can help. A few ideas:

“I’m really enjoying our time together.”
“I feel like we’re getting closer and things are heating up.”
“I think we need to talk before we go any farther.”
“I’m really into you, but before you get into me we need to talk.”

(If these sound totally lame, you come up with something better!)

How your potential partner reacts should tell you a lot about whether or not you want things to progress to a physical level. Do they appear angry, shocked, offended, or clueless as to what you are talking about? If so, you may want to slow down and reconsider your next move. Hopefully, they will be relieved that you were brave enough to start the conversation and were just trying to figure out how they could bring up the topic.

You are a responsible adult now, so act like one. Make a date to go get tested together. Do some research on ways to make safer sex more fun.

(Hmm – sounds like a good idea for another blog!)

GYT for POM – Get Yourself Tested for Peace of Mind

So you’ve heard it all before. “Get yourself tested.” “Go to the clinic.” “Use a condom.” Yet 1.3 million cases of chlamydia alone were reported to the Center for Disease Control in its latest 2010 surveillance report. The CDC estimates 19 million new sexually transmitted infections (STIs) every year in the U.S., costing the health care system $17 billion. Many STIs are not reported and many people have never been tested, so the numbers could be much higher. To see the full report click here.

Still not convinced that you should get tested? Here are a few things to think about:

• I’d know if I or my partner had a STI. The most common symptom of an STI is NO symptom. So many people think they would know if they or their partner have an STI. Even if they took a really good look down there before having sex with someone, there would be no tell-tale signs for many of the most common infections.

• But I trust my partner. I truly hope your partner is worthy of your trust but be realistic. How many people do you know who have had sex outside of a presumably monogamous relationship or who thought they were in a monogamous relationship but found out they were not? An all-too common phrase I’ve heard is, “I trusted him/her and now I’m scared.”

• I use condoms most of the time. So what is the reason you don’t use them all of the time? I’ve heard it all: “I didn’t have one,” “He/she didn’t want me to use one,” “Sex just happened.” You’ve got a 50% chance of contracting chlamydia or gonorrhea with just one exposure.

• I’m sure my partner would tell me if he/she had a STI. Don’t be so sure of that. About half of the people who know they have HIV don’t tell. They may not tell for many reasons. Some just can’t find the words, are afraid of being judged, or are in denial. Some just don’t care.

• I’m afraid to get tested. Gonorrhea and chlamydia testing is as simple as giving a urine sample. HIV can be tested by an oral swab or blood draw. HSV (herpes simplex virus) and HPV (human papilloma virus) are often diagnosed by a health care provider’s visual exam. HPV is also detected by a pap smear. Don’t be afraid – it’s easy!

• I’m afraid I’ll be judged for what I’ve done. People who work in the reproductive health field are comfortable talking about sex. We don’t judge you, shame you, or reprimand you. We’re here to help and educate.

Join us – along with MTV, the CDC and the Kaiser Family Foundation – to make this year’s GYT event a success. For more information about GYT check out this website. Planned Parenthood’s GYT special testing day will take place on Tuesday, April 24 at six of our seven health centers; check our Facebook page later this week for information.

Fun Friday: Safer Sex is Hotter Sex Answers

Happy Friday, kittens! We hope you have a great weekend.

Yesterday we posed these questions to test your knowledge about condoms and safer sex. As promised, here’s the answers; some are unbelievable!

1. When were condoms first used and by whom?

Egyptians in 1,350 BC

2. What were the first condoms made from?

Animal bladders and intestines. (Yep, you read that right.)

3. In the 16th century, what were condoms made from?

Linen with a ribbon sown into the open end that drew the condom snugly around the penis.

4. In the 18th century, what were condoms made from?

Sheep, lamb and goat intestines and fish skin. (Can you imagine how the fish skin one felt? Oh my.)

5. Who made the first rubber condom and when was it made?

Charles Goodyear in 1844.

6. When and why did condoms become acceptable to the US public?

During WWI after hundreds of thousands of soldiers returned home infected with gonorrhea and syphilis.

7. What % of condoms are purchased by females?

50%

8. What country uses the most condoms?

Japan (Go, Japan!)

9. How long can a condom can be stretched?

4 feet

10. What are the 2 main reasons condoms break?

Oil-based lubricant used and condoms stored in heat. (That’s why you should never store condoms in your car.)

For more information about using condoms, check out Planned Parenthood’s website.

Safer Sex is Hotter Sex

Since February is the month of romance, at least according to the card, candy and flower industries, I thought a post of some interesting condom facts would be in order! Not to dampen the mood, but to once again remind our readers that safer sex is hotter sex. The less you have to worry about, the more you can relax and enjoy. Here’s a quiz to test your condom knowledge. (Answers will be posted tomorrow)

1. When were condoms first used and by whom?
2. What were the first condoms made from?
3. In the 16th century, what were condoms made from?
4. In the 18th century, what were condoms made from?
5. Who made the first rubber condom and when was it made?
6. When and why did condoms become acceptable to the US public?
7. What % of condoms are purchased by females?
8. What country uses the most condoms?
9. How long can a condom can be stretched?
10. What are the 2 main reasons condoms break?

Condoms and Sexual Negotiations: What You Want Matters, But How Do You Get It?

I have a good friend who is one of the most strongly feminist women that I know. She was part of the feminist group on her campus, helped put on The Vagina Monologues, runs a very popular feminist blog, promotes safe sex and gender equality every chance she gets, and is basically a notorious all-around activist loudmouth. She has that pure drive that few people have. A while back, I got a panicked message from her because she had finally lost her virginity, and was now worried about her health.

Being educated about safe sex, she had planned ahead and brought condoms and insisted the guy use them, but when he vehemently protested and then outright refused, she gave in. Now, she was worried about pregnancy and STDs (sexually transmitted diseases).  This story broke my heart, because even one of the strongest girls I know was pressured into potentially sacrificing her health so that her partner could avoid wearing a condom.

I see this over and over again. One woman who was paying hundreds of dollars for a birth control method she could get for free in her home state if she only waited one month paid out of pocket anyway because her boyfriend refused to use condoms and she was terrified of getting pregnant. “He doesn’t like them,” she told me. Another woman had a high risk for stroke on pills containing estrogen due to her high blood pressure and migraines but was desperate for us to prescribe them to her because she hated her progestin-only pills.  Her boyfriend wouldn’t use a condom because he told her “it was against his religion.”

Now, I know that sex takes two and I don’t want to portray this as a story of poor women being coerced by evil men. Women want to have sex just as badly as men do and if condom usage does not seem like an option, many people will choose risky sex over no sex. However, I truly think that men’s sexual pleasure is held at a higher priority than women’s bodies and desires and I want this to change.  It is vitally important that women protect their health and understand that their boundaries and requests for safe sex are important and should be respected.

So, if you’re sexually active and know that you prefer to use condoms, whether for birth control purposes or just to avoid STIs, here are some tips that I hope will empower you to control your sexual destiny:

  1. Carry condoms with you.  Planning ahead doesn’t make you presumptuous or promiscuous. You can’t use them if no one has them!
  2. Don’t be afraid to be firm. Women are taught to be polite and it’s hard for us sometimes to stand up for ourselves.  It’s okay to tell someone there will be no sex without a condom.  Most people, given the choice between sex with a condom and no sex, will choose sex with a condom. I don’t want to propagate the notion that it’s easy for women to turn down sex because we want it less than men do anyway; turning down sex you want because you don’t have a condom or they won’t use one really sucks. But like I said, a lot of people will agree if you insist and if not, at least you don’t have an STD or pregnancy scare.
  3. Female condoms, female condoms, female condoms!  If they don’t want to use a condom, you can use one yourself.  They even have extra benefits; they cover the vulva so you have more protection against viruses like HPV and herpes.  They can also be used for anal sex.

Remember, you have the right to state what you want during sex and stick with it. Also, if your partner consistently protests at wearing condoms if you want them to, ask yourself some questions about the safety of your relationship.  Putting your body at risk for pregnancy and infection is a big red flag.

Have any of you ever been in a situation where a partner refused to wear a condom when you wanted them to?  What did you do?

A Condom for Females? Yes, Indeed!

Female CondomThe Female Condom (FC) was approved by the FDA in 1993 to help prevent pregnancy and STIs. The FC has been distributed in 77 countries throughout Africa, Latin and South America, Australia, Asia, and several countries in Europe. It was invented to empower women with another form of protection as an alternative to a male condom.

How do you use it?

Rub the outsides of the pouch together to ensure the proper amount of lubricant is spread over the condom. Then locate the arrow at the right-hand corner of the pouch and tear the package open. Examine the condom to make sure it is not damaged. Sit or lay down to insert the Female Condom (FC) and follow the diagram seen below.

Diagram for insertion of female condom

What are the benefits to using it?

      • It can be inserted several hours ahead of time
      • It is made of nitrile (a non-latex material) for individuals who are allergic or don’t like the smell of latex
      • It conducts heat better than latex
      • The manufacture claims it feels more natural because it clings to the walls of the vagina and fits loosely around the penis.
      • The ring on the outside of the condom covers more of the vulva which gives her and her partner more protection from skin-to-skin STIs.
      • The ring may rub against the clitoris creating more pleasure for the woman wearing it.
      • The condom can stay in, even if her partner loses his erection
      • Unlike male condoms, heat will not destroy FC’s
      • Lubrication can be water-based, silicone based, or oil based
      • Women can protect themselves with an FC when their partner does not want to use a male condom
      • The condom can be used for anal sex (though it is only approved by the FDA for vaginal sex)

Try another option to keep yourself safe this year – try the female condom!