Tag Archives: lubrication

You Want to Put That…Where?

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When the subject of anal sex comes up many people make strange faces or negative comments. Sometimes because of their religious beliefs that teach them anal sex is wrong or unnatural, while others can’t wrap their heads around why anyone would want to go near their bum. We all have three categories for sexual acts that we deem as sometimes, maybe, or never ever would I do …that!

The reason why males and females who are straight, gay, bisexual, or undefined enjoy anal play is because there are a lot of nerve receptors in and around the opening to the anus, and it feels good for many individuals. More specifically, males may enjoy anal stimulation because it can stimulate their prostate gland causing a different type of sensation. According to The Guide to Getting It On, women may enjoy anal stimulation because the wall between the vagina and rectum swells when women are sexually aroused which can intensify orgasms. Anal sex or anal play can be with fingers, a penis, a tongue, or sex toys.

Before deciding whether to participate in anal play, both parties involved must consent and have it be on their terms. Whether someone is engaging in oral, anal, or vaginal sex it is important to always use protection unless both partners have been tested and agree to only sleep with each other. When discussing protection for anal sex there are three options: a male or a female condom with a very liberal amount of water-based or silicone based lubrication and a dental dam for oral play.

Good communication is key when it comes to ensuring that both parties feel pleasure vs. pain. The person receiving the stimulation should feel comfortable telling their partner if they need more lube, to slow down or speed up, and should be very relaxed. Check out Oh Megan to see a YouTube video on how to prevent anal sex from hurting. It is important to remember that anal play is not something you rush into.

If you are interested in trying something new with your partner it is recommended that you do a little research. The Guide to Getting It On recommends you check out: Jack Morin’s Anal Pleasure and Health and Tristan Taormino’s Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex For Females.

Sex is Supposed to Hurt, Right?

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The other day two of my girlfriends and I went to dinner, and like many of our conversations we discussed sex-related topics. We talked about some of the train wreck dates we went on, which led to us talking about other sexual issues.  One of them began talking about how she must have a really tight vagina because vaginal sex always hurt, especially in the beginning. I asked her some questions and we determined that they were going right into vaginal sex without some type of foreplay. In the beginning of most relationships it doesn’t take much to get turned on, but as it progresses most of us need a little help before we can become well lubricated. I informed her of the old comparison which states that women are generally like ovens, they need time to heat up and time to cool down. Compared to men that are like microwave ovens, they can heat up quickly and cool down quickly. This means that for most women they have to have foreplay before they participate in vaginal sex or insert something into the vagina.

Unfortunately my friend’s issue is not uncommon. According to the Center for Sexual Health Promotion at Indiana University 1 in 3 women experience pain during sex. Thankfully, the study reports that only about 10% of the women who experience pain during sex have a medical issue to blame. This means that the overwhelming majority of women who say sex hurts can correct this issue with a few simple tips.

• Make sure you are well lubricated. Hopefully it is your own lubrication, but if you need a little help try a man-made lubricant like gun oil or sliquid.

• Communication is key to ensuring your needs are being met during sex. Your partner is not a mind reader, and the way they pleased previous partners may not “rock your boat” in the same way. He/she may be going right for the genitals because that is what a previous partner liked or what they would like if you were pleasuring them. You have to tell them what you like and what feels good because not everyone is turned on in the same way. Many women like other parts of their bodies stimulated first, and if asked, state that they would like their genitals to be the fourth or sixth place on the list. Men would generally state that the first area they would want touched or stimulated would be their penis.

• Make sure you do not have a vaginal infection or an STD. Please seek medical treatment if you are experiencing an unusual symptoms, change in discharge, smell, discomfort, bleeding, etc.

• Make sure the only reason you are having sex is because you want to and it’s not just to please someone or keep them from leaving you. If you want to be in a sexual relationship with your partner but cannot overcome previous sexual trauma, you may want to seek help from a therapist.

Keep a look out for next month’s post when I will be discussing tips for safer and more pleasurable anal sex.

A Condom for Females? Yes, Indeed!

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Female CondomThe Female Condom (FC) was approved by the FDA in 1993 to help prevent pregnancy and STIs. The FC has been distributed in 77 countries throughout Africa, Latin and South America, Australia, Asia, and several countries in Europe. It was invented to empower women with another form of protection as an alternative to a male condom.

How do you use it?

Rub the outsides of the pouch together to ensure the proper amount of lubricant is spread over the condom. Then locate the arrow at the right-hand corner of the pouch and tear the package open. Examine the condom to make sure it is not damaged. Sit or lay down to insert the Female Condom (FC) and follow the diagram seen below.

Diagram for insertion of female condom

What are the benefits to using it?

      • It can be inserted several hours ahead of time
      • It is made of nitrile (a non-latex material) for individuals who are allergic or don’t like the smell of latex
      • It conducts heat better than latex
      • The manufacture claims it feels more natural because it clings to the walls of the vagina and fits loosely around the penis.
      • The ring on the outside of the condom covers more of the vulva which gives her and her partner more protection from skin-to-skin STIs.
      • The ring may rub against the clitoris creating more pleasure for the woman wearing it.
      • The condom can stay in, even if her partner loses his erection
      • Unlike male condoms, heat will not destroy FC’s
      • Lubrication can be water-based, silicone based, or oil based
      • Women can protect themselves with an FC when their partner does not want to use a male condom
      • The condom can be used for anal sex (though it is only approved by the FDA for vaginal sex)

Try another option to keep yourself safe this year – try the female condom!