Tag Archives: safer sex

To Lube or Not to Lube

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It can be difficult to decide whether you should use lubrication and which type and brand is right for you and your partner. Here are a few simple tips to hopefully help you find the right one. Remember, it can be like Goldilocks at first and it may take experimenting with a few different lubes to find the one that is just right.

Reasons to consider using lubricants:

  • It may make sex feel better
  • It makes condoms less likely to break
  • Helps women who have vaginal dryness
  • Should be used for anal sex to help prevent tearing

Water-based lubricants with glycerin (Astroglide, KY Jelly, Pink) & water-based without glycerin (Good Clean Love, Blossom Organics, Please)

Silicone-based lubricants (Eros Pjur, Sliquid, Wet Lubricant, Liquid Silk)
Pros:

  • Rinses out of the body easily and easy to clean up
  • Can be used on sex toys
  • Sweeter tasting
 Pros:

  • Lasts longer than water-based lube
  • Never gets sticky
  • Can be used for massage
Cons:

  • Can feel sticky on the skin
  • Are not as long-lasting as silicone
  • Are not good for use in water
  • May stain linens and towels
  • Lubrication with glycerin is not recommended for women with diabetes, immune deficiencies, and chronic yeast or vaginal infections.
 Cons:

  • Can damage some silicone toys
  • Are more difficult to rinse off/out of body (especially out of the vagina)
  • More expensive

FYI: People have come up with some very strange things to use for
lubricants. The best way to explain what to use and not to use is as lube is to simply remember: anything you put in your hair, anything you cook with or eat, and anything you can find in your bathroom should not be used as a lubricant. People should know that if it is not designed to be used with condoms they should not use it. Furthermore, anything with oil in it can trap bacteria in the body and cause a condom to break.

By the way, there are also lubes that are organic, vegan, phylate-free, and paraben-free. For a list of a variety of lubes, you can visit Goodvibes.

The Final Frontier: Birth Control…for Men?

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The Male Birth Control PillEvery once in a while, a news story pops up about some new male birth control that’s in the works, and I always think the same thing: “I’ll believe it when I see it.” Although we get an occasional tease in the media, birth control has always largely been the domain of women.  Sure, vasectomies have been around for a long time now, but when it comes to reversible birth control men have condoms, withdrawal, and…what else? Let’s do a quick run down of male birth control options, the current and the (allegedly) upcoming.

Condoms. You know how these work; if you don’t, we’ve covered it here on the Feronia Project.

  • Pros: Up to 98% effective when used correctly every time. Easily available and simple to use, and you can get them for free at the Health Department and Planned Parenthood.  Try using them with some water-based lubricant (not nonoxynol-9, which can cause irritation which may increase the chance of getting an STI) and spermicide.
  • Cons: feels unnatural to some people, may decrease sensation or cause allergies in the latex-sensitive (try polyurethane condoms!), and you have to interrupt foreplay to put them on.
  • Biggest bonus: Condoms are the only method on this list which protect both partners from sexually transmitted infections.

Withdrawal. Also known as the pull out method. I’m super biased against this method for three reasons which we’ll discuss.

  • Pros: It’s available to everyone with a willing partner, free, and doesn’t require health insurance or seeing a doctor.
  • Cons: It’s only 73-94 % effective, and here’s the catch: you have to do it right (that’s what she said! Sorry). Men have to have a lot of self-control and knowledge about their bodies, which takes experience and practice. Pre-seminal fluid, the fluid that comes out of the penis before the man ejaculates, can still contain sperm so pregnancy can still happen. Also, if the man ejaculates on the vulva (outside the vagina), pregnancy can still occur – sperm really can swim.

Here are my thoughts:

  1. 73% effective with typical use? When there are methods out there that are up to 99% effective? No thanks.
  2. Trust no one, that’s my motto.  Even the most well-meaning man can forget, or get caught up and lose control, and hey, pre-seminal fluid is beyond their control anyway. Too risky.
  3. The plural of anecdote isn’t data, but I swear that I’ve seen so many positive pregnancy tests in my day by women who checked the “withdrawal” box on their birth control questionnaire. Scary.  Still, I know it’s not easy for everyone to obtain other birth control methods for financial, time, or other personal reasons, so withdrawal may be your best option at times.

Vasectomy. Story time! I was on a first date with this guy, and he mentioned that he wanted to get a vasectomy soon and was just waiting for an appointment with his doctor. Instantly, music swelled and cartoon birds started flying through the air, and my eyes turned into hearts and sprung out of my head. (That really happened. We broke up, though.)

Vasectomies deserve their own post (which is coming soon!) because there are a lot of myths and misinformation surrounding them. I think the biggest barrier to a vasectomy is getting the man to agree because a lot of men think you’re cutting off their testicles or forcibly removing their manly essence or something. In reality, vasectomies are safe, quick, and easy. Ejaculation still occurs, but the vas deferens (the tube that carries sperm) is blocked so that there is no sperm in the seminal fluid. Sex still looks and feels totally normal. No organs are removed, hormones and sperm production continues; sexual pleasure and sexuality are not effected.

  • Pros: Birth control that doesn’t interrupt sex and is nearly 100% effective and I don’t have to do anything – and it’s permanent? Sold. As you can tell, I love vasectomies.
  • Cons:  It’s permanent. Reversal surgery is expensive, complicated, and there’s no guarantee, so you need to be sure that it’s what you want.

(PS: Our local Planned Parenthood offers vasectomies; if you’re in Florida and interested in a vasectomy, check out our man Dr. Stein at his site).
RISUG. The most exciting up-and-comer. The hard-to-pronounce acronym stands for Reversible Inhibition of Sperm Under Guidance and in the US is called Vasalgel.  I’m not a fan of the names, but otherwise it sounds amazing.

The vas deferens is numbed with an anesthetic and then a polymer gel is injected into it and kills sperm – for up to 10 years. Then, when the man decides he’s ready to have kids, there’s another injection to get rid of the polymer and welcome back sperm. It’s been in trials for about 15 years in India, and starting trials this year in the US with hopes that it will be available in the United States by 2015.  I’m really hoping this becomes available and catches on, because it sounds like it could be a revolutionary new family planning tool for men and women both.

What else?
Apparently there are other things potentially on the horizon, creams, implants, and pills, which I can’t find a lot of information on, individually. However, you can read this article on male birth control options on MSNBC and the men who are trying them out.

Here’s my question, though. Say we finally get reversible male birth control on the market – will men use it? Would women want them to?

For a lot of people, the answer is an obvious yes. Many men will be delighted at the chance to have more control over the decision of when to get pregnant. Women who have experienced bad side effects on hormonal birth control will be happy to let their men try it out so they can have a break. I think a lot of men may be suspicious and hesitant; men aren’t used to their sexuality being medicalized like women’s sexuality has. Plus, for some men, there may be psycho-social factors to take into account, given the cultural links between masculinity, power, the penis, testicles, virility, etc.  For women, giving up control may feel too risky – if a guy misses his pill or his birth control otherwise fails, he’s not the one getting pregnant.

What do you all think? Would any of you try RISUG? Have you had experiences with condoms or vasectomies, good or bad? Dudes, would you take a birth control pill? Ladies, would you feel comfortable with your man being the one on the pill? Tell me about it.

How Do You Have “The Sex Talk” with a New Partner?

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Let's Talk About SexSo, you meet someone you think you want to have sex with and you are trying to be a responsible adult when it comes to sex. You’ve heard all the scary talk about HIV, chlamydia, herpes, HPV, etc., and you are definitely not ready to bring a baby into your life. How do you bring up the topic with your potential new partner?

Well, the best time is not when the hormones are peaking, bodies are sweating, hearts are pumping and sex is about to happen. The blood flow is not pulsing in an upward direction towards your brain, so the conversation might not be most effective at this time. Pick a time when you are fully clothed but in a private place. Starbucks is great for a first date, but probably not the best place to do some sexual negotiating.

There has hopefully been some indication that this person is interested in you as more than a friend. A longing look, a kiss or grope before you say good night, a bit of steamy sexting are always good indications that someone is looking to take it to a physical level. If you read the signals wrong and start a conversation about safer sex with someone not interested in you that way, this could be one of the most embarrassing moments of your life. But, better to be embarrassed now than having to explain to all future partners about these little bumps, periodic blisters or need for daily meds.

First, you need to be clear in your own mind: what do you want from your partner? Always use a barrier like a male or female condom? Does your definition of sex include oral and anal sex as well? (Remember health class? Sex includes oral, anal and vaginal intercourse.)  A full battery of testing for sexually transmitted infections before you go any further? And that just covers infections. What if the possibility of pregnancy is in the picture? Is this someone you would want to parent with? What if a pregnancy should occur? Do you agree on what the outcome should be: parenting, adoption, abortion?

So you’ve figured out your requirements for sex. You’ve got your list and checked it twice. What do you say? How do you start the conversation? You need to be yourself. Does humor work for you? Do you sort of slide into a topic or just blurt things out? No matter how you start the conversation, it will most likely feel awkward, unless you’ve done it before. Practice may not make perfect, but it can help. A few ideas:

“I’m really enjoying our time together.”
“I feel like we’re getting closer and things are heating up.”
“I think we need to talk before we go any farther.”
“I’m really into you, but before you get into me we need to talk.”

(If these sound totally lame, you come up with something better!)

How your potential partner reacts should tell you a lot about whether or not you want things to progress to a physical level. Do they appear angry, shocked, offended, or clueless as to what you are talking about? If so, you may want to slow down and reconsider your next move. Hopefully, they will be relieved that you were brave enough to start the conversation and were just trying to figure out how they could bring up the topic.

You are a responsible adult now, so act like one. Make a date to go get tested together. Do some research on ways to make safer sex more fun.

(Hmm – sounds like a good idea for another blog!)

Just Wrap It Up? Not So Fast!

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CondomsPeople are very casual about telling others to just use a condom and sex will be safe. But a recent study done at the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex Gender, and Reproduction showed that many people have problems with using a condom correctly.

The most common problems reported were:

  • Starting too late – Many people think they can just fool around a little bit before they ejaculate and all will be well. WRONG – it may be too late! As soon as a male begins to become erect, he may release a slight bit of fluid from the Cowper’s gland (you may know it as “pre-cum”). Pre-ejaculate may contain sperm and will definitely contain sexually transmitted infections. Additionally, if his partner has a STI, their body fluids will be pushed into the unprotected urethra. The Kinsey report found between 17 and 51% of respondents put on the condom partway through intercourse.
  • Taking the condom off too soon – Once a male has ejaculated, the penis may remain “functional” for a bit. Don’t be tempted! Ejaculate may continue to drip for some time. The same study stated between 13 and 44.7% reported early removal.
  • Flipping the condom – Sex often occurs in obscured lighting or while under the influence of drugs, alcohol or lust. Even under the best of circumstances, a condom can be attempted to be unrolled when it is actually flipped inside out. If this happens, throw it away! Pre-ejaculate may be on the wrong side of the condom and pushed    inside a partner’s body. Between 4% and 30.4% flipped the condom.
  • Where has it been and how long has it been there? – Wallets, glove compartments, window sills, freezers are all potentially damaging places to store a condom. They can be too hot, too cold, or squished from too much pressure by sitting on them. If a condom is about to expire, you need to think, “Where has it been for the last 3 years, 11 months?” Check for a pocket of air and that it still is slippery from lubricant. 74.5% of men and 82.7% of women failed to check a condom for damage before use!
  • Pinch the tip – Males ejaculate about ½ to 1 teaspoon of semen at a rate of 15 to 26 MPH. It’s got to have someplace to go! If you don’t pinch the tip of the condom while you roll it down, there is no space for the ejaculate and it’s more likely to break. Between 25.3% and 45.7% of respondents did not pinch the tip.
  • Unroll the condom on the penis – Up to 25% of participants in the survey completely unrolled the condom before putting it on rather than unrolling it on the penis. All that tugging could cause tearing.

Who would think that using a condom could be so complicated! Here’s a good video on how to correctly use a condom. (And remember – don’t flush them!)

Self Love is Safe Love: A History of Masturbation

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Masturbation Doesn't Screw With Your Eyes, ReallyMasturbation has a long and colorful history.  According to some ancient Egyptian myths, the god Apsu created the Milky Way when he copulated with his fist. (This certainly gives star gazing a new twist!) Greek men and women both were known to masturbate and saw it as a gift from the gods. They believed the god Hermes taught his son Pan how to masturbate to help heal his broken heart when he was rejected by the nymph, Echo.

Some took it a bit too far: the philosopher Diogenes masturbated in public stating that no human activity should be seen so shameful that it must be done in private; his fellow citizens disagreed. The physician Galen felt that the retention of semen is dangerous and leads to sickness while Hippocrates cautioned that loss of excessive amounts of semen could result in physical damage, such as spinal cord deterioration.

Women in ancient Athens commonly purchased dildos known as olisbos, made of padded leather or wood. Greek men saw masturbation as a sign of poverty and if you had the money, you would pay someone to do it for you. A few centuries later, Roman boys were encouraged to deplete their sexual energies through philosophy and gymnastics, the Roman equivalent of a cold shower.

Many of the negative attitudes about masturbation are attributed to the Bible, but no mention of masturbation is found; actually, what is referred to is the story of Onan, who  protested God’s commandment to impregnate his brother’s widow, whom he did have sex with but pulled out and “spilled his seed.”  From here, things went way downhill. An early Christian bishop taught that masturbation was a worse sin than adultery, rape and incest because it was “unnatural” and a form of contraception. On and on the debate went for many centuries. By 1729 the “post-masturbation disease” came with a long list of serious and debilitating symptoms and charlatans made a killing selling cures for this dreaded affliction.

Things became so extreme that be the turn of the 20th century parents were encouraged to have their sons circumcised so as not to be aroused when cleaning their foreskins and daughters to have clitoridectomies (removal of the clitoris).  Parents were encouraged to place their children in straightjackets, or wrap the child in cold wet sheets and apply leeches to remove blood and congestion, or burn genital tissue with hot irons to make sure their child had no access to their genitals at night where the evil deed was likely to happen.

There has been much improvement in the attitudes about masturbation, but there is still a long way to go. On a regular basis, health educators today still hear very negative responses about masturbation. (Female masturbation, in particular, is often greeted with something like, “Eww, that’s nasty!”) I’ve frequently asked parent groups concerned about masturbation if they would prefer their child masturbate or be out having sex, possibly causing a pregnancy or contracting a STI. That gets them thinking – though many would just prefer their child have no sexual feelings at all.

We know masturbation is an important way for people to discover their own sexuality, prevent infection (as long as their hands are clean), and prevent a pregnancy – and we would sincerely hope it’s sex with someone you love!

Edit: Historical facts come from the Planned Parenthood Federation of America’s white paper publication, Masturbation, From Stigma to Sexual Health.

Fun Friday: Safer Sex is Hotter Sex Answers

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Happy Friday, kittens! We hope you have a great weekend.

Yesterday we posed these questions to test your knowledge about condoms and safer sex. As promised, here’s the answers; some are unbelievable!

1. When were condoms first used and by whom?

Egyptians in 1,350 BC

2. What were the first condoms made from?

Animal bladders and intestines. (Yep, you read that right.)

3. In the 16th century, what were condoms made from?

Linen with a ribbon sown into the open end that drew the condom snugly around the penis.

4. In the 18th century, what were condoms made from?

Sheep, lamb and goat intestines and fish skin. (Can you imagine how the fish skin one felt? Oh my.)

5. Who made the first rubber condom and when was it made?

Charles Goodyear in 1844.

6. When and why did condoms become acceptable to the US public?

During WWI after hundreds of thousands of soldiers returned home infected with gonorrhea and syphilis.

7. What % of condoms are purchased by females?

50%

8. What country uses the most condoms?

Japan (Go, Japan!)

9. How long can a condom can be stretched?

4 feet

10. What are the 2 main reasons condoms break?

Oil-based lubricant used and condoms stored in heat. (That’s why you should never store condoms in your car.)

For more information about using condoms, check out Planned Parenthood’s website.

Safer Sex is Hotter Sex

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Since February is the month of romance, at least according to the card, candy and flower industries, I thought a post of some interesting condom facts would be in order! Not to dampen the mood, but to once again remind our readers that safer sex is hotter sex. The less you have to worry about, the more you can relax and enjoy. Here’s a quiz to test your condom knowledge. (Answers will be posted tomorrow)

1. When were condoms first used and by whom?
2. What were the first condoms made from?
3. In the 16th century, what were condoms made from?
4. In the 18th century, what were condoms made from?
5. Who made the first rubber condom and when was it made?
6. When and why did condoms become acceptable to the US public?
7. What % of condoms are purchased by females?
8. What country uses the most condoms?
9. How long can a condom can be stretched?
10. What are the 2 main reasons condoms break?

Beyond the Condom: 3 Different Ways to Use Protection

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I Don't Practice Safe Sex, I've Mastered It stickerYes, we all know that condoms are an important part of making sex safer, but what about female to female, oral, or protection from skin-to-skin transmissions of HPV (human papilloma virus) or HSV (herpes simplex virus)? Using a barrier can mean more than just putting on a condom. Here are a few tips learned along the way by our outreach educators.

  • During oral sex, a condom can be cut up the side then unrolled to be used as a barrier to cover the vulva or anus. Flavored condoms or non-lubricated condoms are preferred.
  • Basic plastic wrap can be custom fitted to cover whatever area needs to be protected. Place lubrication on the side next to the genital area to increase sensation and add flavoring to the side being touched by the mouth. Feel free to add your favorite flavoring as long as it stays clear of the genitals. Think yeast infection!
  • Cut the middle 3 fingers off a latex glove; then cut up a side. Insert the index fingers of both hands to make a barrier where fingers are protected. Think finger puppet.

Remember, STIs can be spread through oral, vaginal or anal sex. Being educated about alternative barriers can help people become educated about risks and learn creative ways to help prevent them. For more details on safer sex, check out The Coalition for Positive Sexuality.

A Condom for Females? Yes, Indeed!

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Female CondomThe Female Condom (FC) was approved by the FDA in 1993 to help prevent pregnancy and STIs. The FC has been distributed in 77 countries throughout Africa, Latin and South America, Australia, Asia, and several countries in Europe. It was invented to empower women with another form of protection as an alternative to a male condom.

How do you use it?

Rub the outsides of the pouch together to ensure the proper amount of lubricant is spread over the condom. Then locate the arrow at the right-hand corner of the pouch and tear the package open. Examine the condom to make sure it is not damaged. Sit or lay down to insert the Female Condom (FC) and follow the diagram seen below.

Diagram for insertion of female condom

What are the benefits to using it?

      • It can be inserted several hours ahead of time
      • It is made of nitrile (a non-latex material) for individuals who are allergic or don’t like the smell of latex
      • It conducts heat better than latex
      • The manufacture claims it feels more natural because it clings to the walls of the vagina and fits loosely around the penis.
      • The ring on the outside of the condom covers more of the vulva which gives her and her partner more protection from skin-to-skin STIs.
      • The ring may rub against the clitoris creating more pleasure for the woman wearing it.
      • The condom can stay in, even if her partner loses his erection
      • Unlike male condoms, heat will not destroy FC’s
      • Lubrication can be water-based, silicone based, or oil based
      • Women can protect themselves with an FC when their partner does not want to use a male condom
      • The condom can be used for anal sex (though it is only approved by the FDA for vaginal sex)

Try another option to keep yourself safe this year – try the female condom!