So you switched birth control methods, forgot a condom, met a stranger you just could’t resist, were under the influence of drugs or alcohol, or any of the other excuses people use when they don’t have protection, but still want to have sex. I suggest you redefine your definition of sex.
Many people have a very narrow definition of sex. They think if there is no penis in a vagina, it’s not the real thing. People in same gender relationships learn early on that sex involves much more than just those body parts.
Let’s do a basic review of what we don’t want in our body from someone else’s body so we can reduce the chances of pregnancy or STIs. A male’s seminal fluid contains millions of sperm who have one objective: find the egg. They are mobile and motivated! As soon as a male becomes aroused, the Cowper’s gland at the base of the penis releases a drop of fluid commonly known as pre-cum, pre-nut or pre-ejaculatory fluid. This tiny drop may contain sperm, depending on when the male last ejaculated, but it will definitely contain any STI he happens to have. So the thing to remember is that while you can’t become pregnant unless this fluid gets into or near the vagina (remember they can SWIM, so fooling around just a little is no guarantee a pregnancy can’t happen) this fluid can spread a STI through oral or anal sex.
On the female side of things, for her to become pregnant she must have released an egg. Although this generally happens once a month around the mid-point between periods, females have gotten pregnant anytime during the month that an egg has been released. Most females don’t know when this is about to happen and the sperm can live in her body for about 5 days just waiting for an egg to be released. STIs live in and near her vagina, so oral sex on a female won’t cause a pregnancy, but it may pass a STI to the mouth.
For most people, a major component of sex is orgasm. While some people may be satisfied with cuddling, kissing and all other assorted foreplay, most people want to COME! So here is where a creative mind is a wonderful thing. Slow down and enjoy some experimentation. Here are a few suggested avenues to explore.
Use Your Hands
The delightful chef Julia Childs said that when cooking, use your hands as tools. I think this is excellent advice for sexual pleasuring as well. Learn to explore your partner in ways you may never have done before. Find sensitive spots you or they may never even knew existed. Try the, “does this feel good?” technique. There is a whole body that is sensitive to touch. Mutual masturbation can also be very exciting with the same result as vaginal sex.
Use Your Mouth
While you do need to be careful about seminal and vaginal fluids of partners whose STI status is unknown or known to have a STI, if you are just trying to prevent pregnancy, oral sex can be a fulfilling alternative. Not sure what to do? Check out this fantastic book The Guide to Getting it On. Their section on oral sex is particularly helpful to beginners.
Use Alternative Body Parts
In various cultures around the world, partners would rub the penis between thighs, breasts wherever else feels good, to preserve a female’s virginity and prevent pregnancy. Similarly, for many females, rubbing whatever feels good against the clitoris can stimulate to orgasm even better than a penis.
Use a “FiFi”
Remember the movie American Pie where the teen uses a warm apple pie to imitate a vagina? I learned about “fifis” when teaching in detention centers. Teens became very creative making fake vaginas and penises out of materials available to them. Especially popular were washcloths and hand lotion!
Use a Sex Toy
There is massive variety of apparatus available that can enhance sexual pleasure (see this previous post for some suggestions). Just be careful not to share anything that can spread fluids between partners. See section one and try the, “does this feel good?” technique here too. Go online or to an adult store and pick something out together. This in itself can be very arousing.
Add Lubrication to Hands And Anywhere Else It Feels Good
Lubricants can greatly enhance sensitivity, especially when using your hands to pleasure someone (check out a previous post about lube).
I’m sure many of you have other ideas to share! Between two (or more) consenting adults, there is no limit to the variety of ways to give and receive pleasure safely. Enjoy!