Posted on
April 26, 2013 by
Mary
GYT is just around the corner so we thought we’d get you thinking by testing your knowledge of sex ed and STIs. Follow this link, take the quiz, and post your score in our comments section. It’s only 8 questions long so it won’t take long. I got a perfect score, but then again, I’m a sex educator. Have a safe and fun weekend!
Posted on
April 22, 2013 by
Guest Post
Today, we’re sharing the powerful story of an alumnus of The SOURCE . . .
Flashback to ten years ago: I was a complicated, artistic, typically tortured teenage girl with no creative outlet residing in a suburb twenty minutes outside of Manhattan. My teenage angst skyrocketed when my parents made a rash and sudden decision: we were to migrate south to Sarasota, FL.
At the time, if someone had told me this move would be the best experience that ever happened to me, one that would shape the rest of my life, I would’ve rolled my eyes, tugged at my lip ring and bit back with one of those sarcastic sassy retorts that ever-so-easily roll off the tongues of misunderstood sixteen-year-old girls.
A family friend had heard about this incredible “program” Planned Parenthood created called “The SOURCE Teen Theatre.” Even though I wasn’t an extracurricular type of girl and knew nothing of this so-called SOURCE Teen Theatre, something inside me I didn’t quite understand (instinct, I later learned) willed me into checking it out. Alas, the too-cool punk rock chick who rejected everything found herself in The SOURCE black box theatre. I was immediately complimented on my black platform boots by a porcelain skinned seventeen-year-old ethereal-looking beauty with flame-red hair. She introduced me to KT Curran, the Director of The SOURCE, who exuded so much positive energy she almost appeared to be lit from within. Within minutes I was sitting on the floor in a circle with a group of thirty awesome teenagers made up of every style, ethnicity, identity, shape, and size I dreamed possible. Even I had to admit, this was cool. Even I, who had so artfully mastered the default pout couldn’t battle the urge to turn the corners of my lips upward. Was I smiling?
I was hooked. Every week I found myself counting down the days, hours-minutes-seconds- for Mondays to arrive. Those Monday SOURCE meetings were magic, we gained something that didn’t exist in the outside world but were able to take with us in our hearts after we left. We broke down the racial/social/economic barriers that divided us in the concrete school hallways, and in The SOURCE we became a collective, a family. KT creatively nurtured us, challenged our perspectives, and most importantly, created an environment in which we felt safe. One can only find their voice, identity, and purpose when one feels safe. For most of us, it was the first time we had experienced that kind of safety in our entire lives. A lot of us teenagers in SOURCE were creative, sensitive beings falling through the cracks in the pavement, until we found SOURCE. We now had that ever-so-important outlet artistic people need and rarely find. KT listened with a keen ear to our stories and, in turn, created powerful plays about the hardships we teenagers faced. No topic went unnoticed, no voice went unheard: teen pregnancy, bullying, HIV/AIDS, addiction, sexuality, gender pressures…The SOURCE Theatre covered it all. Teenagers in The SOURCE would perform these plays everywhere; public and private high schools, detention centers, churches, community groups, we would even travel in trains and planes and vans around the country (and sometimes outside the country) with our fearless leader KT there to guide and coach us. No matter the age, gender, or race of the viewer there was a pattern of similarity in their responses: “I felt like I was watching real life,” “I forgot I was even watching a play,” or “This has happened to me,” being some of the most popular. Hence our motto to this day: Real life. Real theatre.
I thrived in The SOURCE. I was empowered by using art as a way to save the lives of my peers. I, the girl who was never good at anything besides being detached and cool, became an actress and a role model.
In the ten years after I graduated high school and moved on from SOURCE, I became an international actress and model working in theatre, television, film, and print in Los Angeles, New York, and London. My experience in SOURCE had given me the confidence to fearlessly tackle my dreams, while still maintaining my integrity.
Pictured above: The SOURCE Production Team Photo by Barbara Banks
About a year ago I took on the position as Assistant Director of The SOURCE Theatre. It has been the greatest gift in my life. I’m now working with my best friend and mentor, KT Curran, directing teenagers in life-saving and honest performances, running my own SOURCE meetings, and listening to the sometimes heart-breaking stories of young people in our community. SOURCE has greatly expanded since I was a teenager; we win gold Addy Awards, are thriving on the film festival circuit with our short film “Boost”, and we’re completing the second series of our popular web-series “Freefall.” Still, the heart of SOURCE, the core of SOURCE has not changed. Our greatest desire over any award is to educate young people through the art of theatre and film. Every Monday a diverse group of (dare I say) awesome teenagers come together in a circle on the floor. We engage in the art of listening, acting, breaking down the walls that divide us, and most importantly, we all feel safe. The SOURCE meetings always start in a circle and it’s beautifully ironic because my life, too, has come full circle.
“Life beats down and crushes ours souls and theatre reminds us that we have one.” -Sanford Meisner
Posted on
April 12, 2013 by
Mary
From the funny, but not funny files . . .
Posted on
April 3, 2013 by
Mary
Have you ever visited The Good Men Project? If not, go check it out. Do it now. It’s that good. And refreshing.
I had a stay-at-home dad and my husband breaks the mold in the dad department so the bar is set high in terms of my expectations of men. Who taught me how to tie my shoes? Dad. Who was there when I got my first period? Dad. Who talked with me about puberty, dating, and self-esteem? Dad. Who taught me about consent? Dad. Don’t get me wrong, my mom also did her share of educating and is a big influence in my life. Why am I sharing this with you? Because I want all the dads out there to know that what they say/do and how they say/do it has a profound impact on the development of their children. The lessons he taught me have protected me and inform nearly every decision I make. Dads, you make a difference.
Consent means to approve, permit, or agree. Seems pretty straightforward, right? But how do you teach it? Why should you teach it? You see, consent changes the way we interact with one another. It is the immediate result of practicing respect. Now back to The Good Men Project. The editors have put together one of the best how-to parenting pieces I have ever read: The Healthy Sex Talk: Teaching Kids Consent, Ages 1-21. Read. Every. Word. Then come back and tell us how your dad (or parent) taught you the concepts of respect and consent.
P.S. You don’t have to be a dad to put this information to good use.
Posted on
October 23, 2012 by
Genevieve
I was looking at a stack of questions I’ve received from students in various classes and thought it would be fun to share a few of them with our friends on Feronia. Here are a few of the questions with brief answers. The amount of detail we give depends on the class, age of students, and any follow-up questions.
1. How do you get blue waffle? Blue waffle is actually a made-up STD that does not exist. If you Google it you will find a picture of what looks like very bruised and disfigured female genitals.
2. Is it true that the penis feeds the baby when a girl is pregnant? The vagina and uterus (where the baby is) are separated by the cervix, which blocks semen from getting to the baby. Babies get their nutrition through the umbilical cord and placenta.
3. Is it true that you can test for STDs by putting ear wax on your finger and then inserting the finger into a girl’s vagina? I heard that if she squirms or it burns then she has an STD. The only way to test for STDs is by visiting your medical provider or going to the pharmacy and getting an at-home STD kit.
4. Is it true that if you drink Mountain Dew or Red Bull it will kill your sperm so you don’t get a girl pregnant? This is a myth that has been circulating since I was in high school. These beverages will not prevent pregnancy.
5. Is it true that if the male does all the work or is on top that you’ll have a boy? Is it the same if the female does all the work? The male’s sperm determines the sex of the baby, not the position of the male or female during sex.
6. Is it true that if a male “produces” in a female while she is pregnant then the baby will look more like the father? The way the baby will look is determined by DNA when the sperm joins with the egg.
7. If you are already pregnant and you’re still having sex, can another baby form? You cannot release another egg when you are already pregnant, but now and again there will be two fetuses and an early ultrasound will only detect one.
8. What is the largest penis on record? I would normally answer this by saying that the average erect penis is 5-7 inches long and I’d talk about the importance of not focusing on penis size as a way to define masculinity. For Feronia: According to the Huffington Post, the largest penis on record is held by John Falcon, who has a 9-inch penis when he is flaccid and a 13.5 inch penis when he is erect. His penis size was publicized due to being frisked at an airport in California.
9. If you put your mouth on a penis can the sperm come out? If it does can it travel down and get you pregnant? Yes, sperm can come out but it is impossible for it to travel from the mouth to the uterus. You can, however, become infected with an STD from unprotected oral sex.
10. Could a male animal get a female human pregnant? This is impossible, but it is understandable that students would ask this question because they hear a lot about how closely matched our DNA is to primates. There’s also some crazy stuff on YouTube.
Class dismissed!
Posted on
September 12, 2012 by
Fosgood
During my recent trip to Zimbabwe, our tour leader surprised us near the end of our trip by announcing that he was an HIV peer educator and that he was going to give a talk on HIV in his country. I had mentioned early on in the tour that I worked as an educator for Planned Parenthood and that part of my job was to teach about HIV. Like everyone else, I asked questions about birth control, condoms, STIs, and abortion, and talking about sexual matters appeared to be a very natural subject for him.
Zimbabwe has been at the epicenter of the HIV epidemic since the beginning. Nearly everybody in the country has been either “infected or affected,” a phrase often used here, as well. Soon after the first positive case appeared in 1985, the government went into panic mode. The virus was quickly spreading particularly in commercial sex workers, truck drivers and gold miners. Because so many people in Africa work far from home, having a second partner or frequenting sex workers is very common. This was, and still is, the primary way married women become infected and, in turn, spread it to their children during pregnancy and delivery. Millions of people in Zimbabwe have died from HIV infection.
Sam spoke of several factors contributing to the steady rate of infection, despite massive efforts to educate, distribute condoms and test, especially pregnant women:
Imagine my surprise when Sam not only spoke about HIV, but also gave a condom demonstration using almost the exact same language that I use. His statistics on condom efficacy were similar (about 92% when used consistently and correctly). Carry your own condom. Protect them from the sun by keeping them in a front pocket. Don’t open with your teeth. Never flush. The only difference in information in my presentation and his was discussion of using a water-based lubricant – he said they don’t have them there.
Just like parents the world over, even those of us who are comfortable talking to strangers about all things sexual, when Sam’s six-year-old found a condom on the ground, Sam was a bit flustered and unprepared to explain the finer points of condom use … but he seized the teachable moment and explained the basics.
Posted on
April 20, 2012 by
Mary
A little sex education humor for Friday…don’t forget to take advantage of “teachable moments” with your kids.
Posted on
April 12, 2012 by
Firdaus
Are you in a safe, healthy relationship? Are you intrigued by the idea of “rough sex,” where hitting, slapping, scratching, or biting is involved? Then you might be interested in BDSM, or impact play.
As a sex-positive, sexual health educator, I realize that many people have trouble communicating their sexual preferences with their partners. This can leave them feeling unsatisfied and, in some cases, resentful. Further, tinkering with sexual play that borders on traditional ideas of “sexual deviance” can make some conversations feel even more impossible. But, as we know with other favorites we have (birthday cake flavors, pizza toppings, movies, etc.), we must make them known before they can become known. We have to decide, for ourselves, what our likes and dislikes are, and it’s our responsibility to convey them to others if we ever expect to get what we want. Remember, folks, your partners are not mind readers: in the bedroom is no exception!
According to Wikipedia, BDSM is “an erotic preference and a form of personal relationship involving the consensual use of restraint, intense sensory stimulation, and fantasy power role play. The compound initialism BDSM is derived from the terms bondage and discipline (B&D or B/D), dominance and submission (D&S or D/S), and sadism and masochism (S&M or S/M). BDSM includes a wide spectrum of activities, forms of interpersonal relationships, and distinct subcultures. Activities and relationships within a BDSM context are characterized by the participants usually taking on complementary but unequal roles, thus the idea of consent of both the partners becomes essential. Typically, participants who are active – applying the activity or exercising control over others – are known as “tops,” or dominants. Those participants who are recipients of the activities, or who are controlled by their partners are typically known as “bottoms,” or submissives. Individuals who alternate between top/dominant and bottom/submissive roles — whether from relationship to relationship or within a given relationship — are known as “switches.”
If you’re intrigued by BDSM sex practices, here are some things you want to keep in mind:
1. Safe Sex: It is always imperative to practice safe sex, even when stepping outside the traditional sex models. Male or female condoms should be used during intercourse or oral sex (though male and female condoms should never be used at the same time for tearing reasons). Dental dams or plastic wrap should be used for protection during oral sex on a female, and condoms should be used when sharing toys. Even if in a committed relationship, we strongly encourage testing for sexually transmitted infections together before engaging without barriers as protection.
2. Safe Words: When trying out new sexual practices, it is exceptionally important to communicate your needs and boundaries with your partner. It may not always feel “sexy” to stop and discuss your comfort level “in the moment,” so safe words can help to identify your needs without feeling like you’re leaving “the mood.” Particularly with BDSM play, words like “green,” “yellow” and “red” can be helpful for communicating your sensations. “Green” for “go” or “yes, I’m enjoying this”; “yellow” for “slow down” or “you’re approaching the limits of my comfort zone”; and “red” for “stop what you’re doing.” Since we’re all familiar with yellow, green and red as associations for “movement,” it can serve as a natural communicator. It’s up to you and your partner to decide your safe words are before the act occurs.
3. Start Slowly: Particularly with sex, it is important to begin slowly and identify your comfort zones as you go. A specific position or activity might be fulfilling to one partner but be very uncomfortable – or even painful – for the other. This is why, especially when engaging in any sort of “pain” or “impact” play, it is important for you and your partner to learn each other’s preferences slowly. Pain and/or “impact” play is a delicate creature that, without proper boundaries and communication, can easily become negative or even traumatic.
So, be safe, communicate, and go slowly. BDSM can only be healthy when all parties feel equally heard and valued with boundaries respected.
Care to learn more? Are you 18 and up? Here’s a good video by the folks at The Smitten Kitten explaining how to start with “impact play” (another term for BDSM). Let me be frank about the video: it is not safe for work and does include nudity and sex scenes for instructional purposes.
This is the first time we’re linking to something so explicit in content. Let us know, Feronian readers, are you offended by our openness? Or do you appreciate us bringing you sex-positive content you might not otherwise find in your online communities? We’re here for you!