Tag Archives: transgender

Book Review – Stuck in the Middle With You: A Memoir of Parenting in Three Genders, by Jennifer Finney Boylan*


Posted on May 28, 2013 by

Leave a reply
Cover image is (c) Crown Publishers.

Cover image is (c) Crown Publishers.

You may recognize the name of the author – she wrote a very popular book, She’s Not There: A Life in Two Genders, about her transition from male to female (at the time, it was many people’s introduction to the concept of transgender). I have to admit, I haven’t read that book (yet), but when I heard that Stuck in the Middle with You: A Memoir of Parenting in Three Genders was coming out, chronicling her experience as a parent across genders, I put it on my list to read.

The book itself is written in chronological order, separated into three parts: part 1 is “Daddy” and includes her experiences as a male parent and as a husband. It talks about the pain she experienced in denying her female gender and how she was a male model for fatherhood, even while being in her words, “a feminine man.” Part 2 is “Maddy,” all about the years where she was transitioning from male to female and coming out as transgender to all members of her family – her mother included. (Some, unfortunately, were more accepting than others about this than others.) And the last part, part 3, is “Mommy,” talking about what happened after she fully transitioned into a woman. A great summary of the main theme throughout the book – one that I fully agree with – is that “[i]t is my hope that having a father who became a woman has made my two remarkable boys, in turn, into better men.”

Each section of the book is followed by interviews about fathers & sons, “atypical” relationships between parents & children, and interviews with mothers & daughters. Boylan points out, rightly so, that around 8% of children are now raised in a “typical” family that is so often referenced in American society, consisting of a mother (who is stay-at-home) and a father who works. And that’s the point.

I myself was raised in an “atypical” family. I had a female mother & male father, who died when I was younger; my grandmother helped raise us and when I refer to my parents, I’m talking about my mother and grandmother, not my mom & dad. But isn’t family what you make of it? Does it matter what gender the parents are? A dear friend of mine was born to and raised by two moms and now has a baby of her own with her husband. Does that make her a better or worse parent than one raised in a “typical” family? Not at all. 

The shifting definition of family has long-range societal implications (it’s this question that is at the heart of the Proposition 8 and DOMA cases being decided in the Supreme Court as I type) but Finney’s book is the answer to a larger question: is this fluidity also the answer to acceptance of all? I certainly hope so and Finney makes a great case that it doesn’t matter what gender you are or transition to – it only matters what you teach them and what kind of a role model you are.

If you want to read a book that chronicles what it really means to be a parent? Pick up Stuck in the Middle with You: A Memoir of Parenting in Three Genders – you won’t regret it.

*While this post contains some affiliate links, The Feronia Project was not provided a copy of this book for review. We just picked it up at the library, loved it, and wanted to share it with you.

Binary, Schminary: Talking about Intersex


Posted on March 7, 2013 by

Leave a reply
Intersection. Image found here.

Intersection. Image found here.

Our post the other week referred to the fact that when we talk about anatomy, most of our diagrams, charts, examples and references split all bodies into two sexes: male or female. While this categorization is familiar to all of us, it’s an oversimplification, since a lot of our bodies don’t fit tidily into an either/or modality.

We’ve talked about intersex a bit on Feronia, but we wanted to take a minute to focus on what, exactly, it means. The Intersex Society of North America has a good definition (and a lot of other great resources): “intersex is a general term used for a variety of conditions in which a person is born with a reproductive or sexual anatomy that doesn’t seem to fit the typical definitions of female or male.”

Since pinning down what we mean by ‘typical definitions of female or male’ is a big, sticky, complex issue, there isn’t a simple answer to ‘how many people are intersex.’ We know that 1-2 out of every 100 infants have bodies that differ from the standard male or female, but a lot of variations exist between populations. Additionally, the experience of intersex folks varies dramatically – while some intersex characteristics are apparent in infancy, others don’t become noticeable until puberty. Intersex individuals all have to deal with living in a world that’s very attached to binary sex categories and that often excludes their bodies, but their experiences in what that means vary greatly.

Lastly, there can sometimes be a conflation of intersex and transgender, but they’re very different identities and categories. Intersex is a description of someone’s biological sex, and the fact that it doesn’t match our scientific criteria for a ‘male’ or ‘female’ body – it’s a situation that’s noticed by other people, usually medical professionals. Trans* is a description of someone whose gender identity doesn’t match their body – it’s a situation that people notice internally. Intersex people can also be trans*, but those are two different, although interrelated, parts of who they are.

Trans* Health: Trans Men Need Paps Too


Posted on June 7, 2012 by

1 Reply

Today’s guest post is from “Erin” who is a graduating student of Women’s and Gender Studies at a local university. She specializes in sexuality as it relates to gender and her main focus is reproductive rights history.

Here at Planned Parenthood we are concerned with the health of men and women. But say you do not identify as either one of the binary genders, or you do not identify with the gender assigned to you at birth. If that is the case, you may identify as Trans*.

Trans* is a general word for someone not living as the gender that was assigned to them at birth. This could include transgender or transsexual individuals. For the purpose of being all on the same page, I will define trans man as a female-to-male transgender person, and a trans woman as a male-to-female transgender person. It can be easy to get confused, especially if you are not familiar with people of non-gender conforming persuasions. The best thing you can do is respect how each person identifies.

As far as sexual health is concerned, trans men need to remember to get pap smears too. For whatever gender you identify as, if you have a cervix you can be at risk for cervical cancer and need to get screened. Check out this article from earlier this year that details “four ways we can prevent cervical cancer among trans men and genderqueer/gender nonconforming people.” Some barriers for trans men include: health insurance coverage that denies routine preventative care, like pap smear screenings, to trans folks; health care providers being culturally insensitive to the trans community, or just plain discriminating; and maybe not being aware of how to properly take care of cervical health.

For optimal cervical health:

• Get vaccinated for HPV, one of the main contributors to cervical cancer. More about HPV here. More about the HPV vaccine here.

• Go annually for routine pap smears after the age of 21 or 3 years after being sexually active (this goes even if you have been vaccinated for HPV). More about pap smears here.

• Use protection! Wear condoms, female condoms, gloves, and/or dental dams to help protect against STI’s that may cause cervical cancer. More about safer sex here.

As a reproductive rights scholar, I have taken a special interest in Trans* rights. This is for many reasons, but above all, when we talk about what people can and cannot do with their genitals, I believe this is encompassed within reproductive rights. The article Trans Rights Are Reproductive Rights is fantastic.

Another very cool resource for trans health is the Trans Youth Sexual Health Booklet. This is a fairly detailed pamphlet made by and for trans youth about sexuality and sexual health.

Fun Friday: A Story of Transition


Posted on March 30, 2012 by

Leave a reply

Happy Friday! We here at The Feronia Project so hope that you have a good one.

Today, we’re sharing a story from the amazing-and-awesome StoryCorps about what happened to one family when one member transitioned from female to male and the whole family became stronger. It’s a lovely story.

(Thanks to NPR for the original link!)

The Transgender Dating Dilemma


Posted on March 26, 2012 by

1 Reply

What's Normal Anyway by Morgan BoecherToday, we’re very pleased to have Morgan Boecher guest posting on The Feronia Project. Morgan, who is trans male, runs What’s Normal Anyway, a webcomic about being trans male.

Sexual health takes on new meanings for those who transition from one gender and/or sex to another. Not only are there plenty of challenges navigating medical care for physical health, but there are the less frequently discussed issues of maintaining mental health while negotiating the minefield of sexual relationships as a transgender person.

When I came out and began the social and physical transition from female to male, I started creating a comic called What’s Normal Anyway. The comic helped me reflect on my experience, connect with others, and expand the narrow world of transgender media by a little bit. I also had a secret reason for putting my comic out there: maybe it would help me get dates, I thought.

Now, perhaps a webcomic artist isn’t quite the sexiest thing one could imagine, but while I was entering a realm of foreign gender customs and newly sprouting secondary sex characteristics, I was looking for reassurance in any form. Until that point, I had lived my life as a reasonably feminine female who did not have trouble finding straight boyfriends. While I had a hard time identifying with heterosexual dating scripts, I at least knew how to follow them. As a masculine person, I found that the rules changed. Straight guys no longer flirted with me, and what on earth would gay guys think of me? (Of course, there are straight and gay trans men, but they are relatively few and far between.) I sometimes felt more like a curiosity than dating material.

Dating experiences among transgender people must be incredibly varied due to the multiplicity of identities, sexual orientations, and bodies represented within the community. At the same time, each attempt to form a new relationship poses some degree of risk for a transgender person. A date does not have to react with violence or hostility to make a trans person feel disconnected, feel not enough of something – not man enough, not woman enough, not queer enough.

Dating presents another layer of challenges for transgender people trying to be themselves, and be loved and accepted as such. The will to keep in the game can require a great deal of resilience and self-esteem, and the journey is rarely clear and simple.

But hey, that’s what makes for good webcomic material after all.

Morgan Boecher is a Florida-grown New Yorker who is working on a Master of Science at Columbia University’s School of Social Work while he creates a comic about being trans male called What’s Normal Anyway, which he updates every Monday at whatsnormalanyway.net.

Being Transgender at Ladies Night: A Teachable Moment


Posted on March 19, 2012 by

Leave a reply

In my own city, a popular bar called The Bishop recently refused a patron participation in Ladies Night (free drinks) because the bouncer thought she was a he. She is Alex Borrego, and her ID says she’s a female. Alex was born male but spent “two years of hell” transitioning to a female.

The transition process isn’t easy. It often involves numerous medical appointments and treatments, psychological evaluations and counseling, a legal mess, support (or not) from family and friends, and heap of courage. There are lots of different terms used to describe the variations from the traditional (and outdated) binary models of male vs. female and masculine vs. feminine, but here’s what it boils down to: a transgender person wants to live on the outside how they already feel on the inside.

Alex and her friends decided to leave the bar that night, but soon after the incident, they launched a Facebook campaign to boycott The Bishop. It wasn’t long before the owner of the bar, Dean Marshlack, caught wind of the campaign. He immediately apologized and did it the right way by not making excuses for his staff. He used the situation as a teachable moment and took the opportunity to educate his staff. The Bishop is also changing its Ladies Night policy so any person who says they are female, even if they don’t have an ID, will be served.

The sad truth is that there are far more people out there besides this bouncer who do not understand any kind of variation when it comes to the spectrum of sexuality that lies between male and female. Today I simply commend the use of the teachable moment, the sincere apology, the coverage of it in the media, as well as Alex’s courage to speak out. In the future, The Feronia Project commits to dig deep into transgender issues.

Trans* Health: Finding a New Doctor for General Medical Issues


Posted on January 18, 2012 by

Leave a reply

Today is a guest post from one of the other members of our affiliate who also manages a gender studies department at a local university.

In an ideal world, everyone involved in the medical field would understand that “mark one: M/F” doesn’t work for all of their patients.  Sadly, we’re far from an ideal world, and especially when you’re approaching a new medical office for issues unconnected to transitioning (getting tested for STIs, getting an annual exam, getting antibiotics for strep throat), there are a few things that you can do to make it a little easier.

1. Ask your friends for a recommendation.  This is probably the best way to find someone, since you can follow in their footsteps.

2. Research potential medical offices in advance.  Some practitioners aren’t going to be a good fit for you, and it’s best to find that out ahead of time, rather than after an expensive appointment.  Some steps to consider:

3.    Bring a friend – this can be a stressful experience, and having someone who can be your advocate is a real boon.

4.    Plan out what you’ll do if the office is horrible.  Sometimes, you need a prescription for antibiotics and you’ll decide to grit your teeth and get through it, but if you know ahead of time what your exit strategies are, you’ll be able to walk out when it’s warranted.

5.    Lastly, please go to the doctor when you need medical attention.  Depending on finances and insurance, go to a clinic, find a place with sliding-scale fees, make a drive to get to the nearby town with a supportive doctor, but don’t neglect your health.  Your body deserves to be cared for and deserves a doctor who will treat you well.

Here’s some more links that may be helpful:
http://transequality.org/
http://www.firelily.com/gender/gianna/talk.html
http://doctorz.wordpress.com/

Transgender Day of Remembrance


Posted on November 21, 2011 by

Leave a reply

Today is a guest post from one of the other members of our affiliate who also manages a gender studies department at a local university.

As many of you may already know, yesterday marked the 13th Transgender Day of Remembrance. For those of you who hadn’t heard of it before, this day exists to mark the loss of all of the people who’ve died during the past year as a result of violence based on bias against transgender people.

It first came about because of Gwendolyn Ann Smith, a transgender graphic designer, columnist, and activist, wanted to memorialize the death of Rita Hester in Allston, Massachusetts in 1998. She created the project Remembering Our Dead in 1999, marking the anniversary of Rita’s murder with a candlelight vigil. Rita’s murder is still unsolved.

In the 13 years that this day has been commemorated, we’ve remembered 328 people who were killed within the US because they were trans*. We’ve remembered 313 people who lived outside of the US who were killed because they were trans*. We’ve remembered the countless others whose deaths haven’t been reported, where the circumstances of their deaths aren’t known, who took their own lives because of the transphobic violence they faced, and whose names are unknown to us.

Remembering people whom we’ve never met is important, because for those of us who didn’t know them, it can be too easy for tragedies to get reduced to numbers. But knowing their names and seeing their faces means that we acknowledge how their deaths – deaths that are often minimized, trivialized or ignored by the mainstream media – affect us all.

Even if this is the first time you’ve heard any of their names, their deaths do affect each one of us. Every time someone is murdered or attacked because of who they are, we’re losing a part of our community to hatred and intolerance.

The Day of Remembrance is about the people who are no longer with us because of this violence. While more states, and even the IRS, are becoming more accepting of transgender individuals, the problem of violence is far from solved. Today, and going forward, it’s up to the rest of us to keep working for a world where that violence has no home.

Additional Day of Remembrance projects:
DOR Art Vigil: http://tdor.weebly.com/gallery-2010.html
DOR Webcomics project: http://tdor.boolean-union.com