Tag Archives: vulva

“Mommy, What’s a Pocketbook?”


Posted on May 13, 2013 by

Sexuality is the #1 topic that parents dread discussing or acknowledging with their kids. I understand and sympathize with parents who have a difficult time with the subject, but they need to take a deep breath and get over it. The health, safety, and well-being of your child or children is more important than your temporary discomfort in addressing this topic. I was recently at a large dinner party and one of the couples was talking with another couple and telling them how I helped them overcome that fear. They realized it was something they had to do because they love their children. The information could potentially help protect their two children from adult and child predators. More schools are implementing the use of anatomically correct names in their ‘Stranger Danger’ and abuse prevention programs for this very reason.

strangerdangerAccording to the National Sexual Violence Resource Center (NSVRC), teaching children anatomically correct terms, age-appropriately, promotes positive body image, self-confidence, and parent-child communication; discourages, perpetrators; and, in the event of abuse, helps children and adults navigate the disclosure and forensic interview process. Many of us are given funny names for our genitals at a very young age (i.e. Pocketbook, Taco, Va JayJay, Wiener, Johnson) and taught directly or indirectly that our “private area” should not be discussed. Some of us had very little information and a lot of misinformation growing up. This leads to adults who then feel uncomfortable and embarrassed discussing age-appropriate sexuality education with their children and perpetuate the idea that anything dealing with “down there” is shameful, dirty, or secret. It creates confusion for the child and sends a clear message that if and when they have questions or concerns, they should not go to their parents or trusted adult. I know the idea of your child one day being sexually active (or even asking challenging sexuality questions) is scary, but when it does happen, think about the answers to the following questions:

1) Don’t you want them to feel good about it and know how to protect their bodies?

2) Would you want them to get their questions answered by you or random websites on the internet, or friends?

Click here for helpful resources on how to talk to your kids about sex.

Your Three Holes: Urethra, Vagina, and Anus


Posted on February 26, 2013 by

There’s a lot of confusion about what exactly is ‘down there’. Part of the reason it’s confusing is because you can’t see it, the other part is because no one really talks about it. So, let’s learn!

First, a few terms.

  1. Vulva – all of the external parts (labia majora, labia minora, clitoris, urethral opening)
  2. Vagina – internal canal; place of penis/vagina intercourse, where period exits body, where tampon can be worn
  3. Perineum – skin between vaginal opening and anus
  4. Anus – end of large intestine; where feces exits body

See all the parts on this diagram:

vulva

 

If you sit down to pee, it looks as though urine is coming from the vagina, but it isn’t. To see the urethral opening you have to open the skin of the labia minora. It is a tiny hole just above the vaginal opening. The anus is an inch or two below the vaginal opening, separated by the skin of the perineum.

The urethra is where urinary tract infections occur. Urinating when you need to and after sex will help you to not get a UTI. Yeast infections mainly occur in the vagina. After a bowel movement, don’t wipe towards the vagina because fecal bacteria can cause vaginal infections. You know you should use condoms, but did you know that you should not take the same condom from anal sex to vaginal sex? That’s right, bacteria again.

Now as for what all those sexual parts do, that’s another post entirely.

* A Note About Intersex:

“nature presents us with sex anatomy spectrums. Breasts, penises, clitorises, scrotums, labia, gonads—all of these vary in size and shape and morphology. So-called “sex” chromosomes can vary quite a bit, too. But in human cultures, sex categories get simplified into male, female, and sometimes intersex, in order to simplify social interactions, express what we know and feel, and maintain order.”

 

Media, Surgery, and Body Image: Loving Your Vulva Isn’t Easy Nowadays


Posted on May 21, 2012 by

Disclaimer: Most of the links in this article link to images or articles that are not safe for work, so please use discretion!

This ad has been everywhere in the blogosphere lately. We open with an attractive, light-skinned Indian couple sitting on a couch, the man sipping his coffee and ignoring his wife, who looks despondent and lonely. Then, she jumps in the shower, uses her special wash for “fairness and freshness,” and when she returns it is all smiles and spinning in his arms in the living room. The gist of it is: your vagina must be fresh enough (and what does that even mean, really?) and also light enough in color in order to get approval and love. Colorism, particularly rampant in Indian society, really deserves its own post and I’m not well-equipped to discuss it in this one. Pam Spaulding wrote an article about the colorism in the ad and the damage skin whitening products can do at Pam’s House Blend. You can also read this excellent post on skin bleaching and colorism in India at Bitch Magazine. As for me, I’m fascinated by this commercial not only because of the colorism, but because its another entry in the long social trend of teaching women that their vaginas are incorrect in some way, and must be corrected in order to win the love of a man (and, therefore, by happy). The two big social forces at work here – shame over your anatomy and the need for male approval – are long-standing toxic messages that have been around for a while. Even the fact that douche is still on the market is an ever-present indicator of our culture’s issues with our vaginas – though I guess I’m somewhat grateful the advertising has become more about vague references to freshness and summer and less about getting your easily-disgusted-by-vaginas husband to love you again. Back in the ‘50s, Lysol was advertised as douche, with print advertisements almost identical to the ad above:

(Of course back in the day the same tactic was employed to sell everything, even coffee – If you’re into it, you can find more advice for women from that era in Lynn Peri’s excellent book Pink Think: Becoming a Woman in Many Uneasy Lessons.) To get back on track, the cultural pressure to have a perfect body has had a strong effect on how we feel about our vaginas and our vulva’s appearance, maybe because it’s an area of our bodies we don’t easily have a way to compare to others and see what’s normal. When we do see images of vulvas in our society, they usually have been Photoshopped to meet a particular image.

In fact, Australia has been in the news recently because its new Classification Guidelines disallow explicit depictions of the vulva, preferring them to be, to use a common pornographic magazine term, “healed to a single crease.” What they mean is, a vulva must not have visible labia, only a small crease may be visible. The phrase itself makes me crazy: healed!  As if an average vulva with labia is damaged or sick! I was willing to make the argument that Australia’s rule is simply prudish, that maybe they just find non-edited vulvas too graphic, until I learned that the same board also banned the appearance of 18+ but young-looking women with small breasts in adult publications, apparently due to concerns about these women encouraging pedophilia. Given that the growth of labia minora is a part of puberty, if they are so concerned with the maturity of their performers why would they insist on editing vulvas down to a more pre-pubescent, labia-free state? I’m not buying it. This is just another area where a Photo-shopped body has become the aesthetic norm, and women of Australia will have more opportunity to find their bodies as they are to be wrong, or unappealing.

So, say you look at porn or advertisements, and then look at your body and think, “Something’s wrong with me!” Don’t worry, there’s surgery for that. Labiaplasty is the practice of reducing the size of the labia minora so that they are smaller than the labia majora (diagram here for those uncertain exactly what I’m referring to). To be fair, some people may have labia minora long enough to cause discomfort, particularly while participating in sports or wearing tight fitting clothes for example, and for them this surgery may improve their quality of life. But there are also a lot of people who seek the surgery do so because they think something is wrong with the appearance of their vulvas as they are. A 2009 Guardian article talks to women and cosmetic surgeons and found that many “patients are not willing to accept that the physical appearance of their vulva is perfectly ordinary and healthy,” referring to their appearance as “hypertrophy” if the labia minora extend past the majora, although there is nothing pathologically wrong with them.

I personally am a supporter of body modification, and ultimately I support a person’s right to alter his/her body to reflect how they feel it should look. However, I also firmly believe that we don’t make choices in a vacuum and I think it’s worth examining what social forces are at work encouraging us to make some decisions over others, and whether we are harming ourselves by changing our bodies to fit a narrow cultural ideal. It’s clear that just like our stomachs, our skin and our noses, our vulvas are another area we are supposed to measure and compare against other (photo-edited) bodies. Ultimately, the problem here isn’t vaginal lightening creams or shortening our labia, it’s the pervasive cultural message that your vagina must meet some beauty standard (or men won’t love you).

So how do we fight back? The path to loving our bodies in all their variants is long and difficult for some of us. But if you’re curious to see if you’re normal, or want to see the wide variety of colors, sizes and shapes that vulva and labias come in, it may help to check out a body project like Vulva101. In their words: “Designed to help society overcome its fear and shame regarding vulva, Vulva 101 features close-up photos of one hundred and one women’s vulvas, ranging from 18 to 65 years old. Each page focuses on one woman’s vulva from three different angles. It also highlights the thoughts, feelings and experiences of the women involved, and the natural, unique beauty of the female form.” Projects like these are great for combating media images of the vulva as having only one appropriate form.

So, Feronia readers, what do you think? Would you get labiaplasty? Have you ever been worried a sexual partner would think your vulva looked wrong, or felt like your vulva looked wrong after comparing it to someone else’s? Let’s talk vulvas.

Houston, We Have a Vulva Problem


Posted on November 8, 2011 by

I recently received a phone call from one of my friends who told me that our mutual friend, who is pregnant, asked if the baby was going to come out of her pee hole.  I was flabbergasted because this woman is college-educated and 30!  I would have assumed that somewhere along the way she would have stumbled upon some information about her Vulva.  This incident reminds me of the episode on The Office where Dwight asks Toby where the clitoris was located.  I agree with Toby, our public school system and parents have obviously failed many of our youth when it comes to basic sexual and reproductive health information.  If you or a loved one has never been introduced to the glorious vulva, then today is your lucky day!  If you would like additional information on how to feel more comfortable and accepting of the area “down there” or watch this clip from Oprah.