Today, we’re very pleased to have Morgan Boecher guest posting on The Feronia Project. Morgan, who is trans male, runs What’s Normal Anyway, a webcomic about being trans male.
Sexual health takes on new meanings for those who transition from one gender and/or sex to another. Not only are there plenty of challenges navigating medical care for physical health, but there are the less frequently discussed issues of maintaining mental health while negotiating the minefield of sexual relationships as a transgender person.
When I came out and began the social and physical transition from female to male, I started creating a comic called What’s Normal Anyway. The comic helped me reflect on my experience, connect with others, and expand the narrow world of transgender media by a little bit. I also had a secret reason for putting my comic out there: maybe it would help me get dates, I thought.
Now, perhaps a webcomic artist isn’t quite the sexiest thing one could imagine, but while I was entering a realm of foreign gender customs and newly sprouting secondary sex characteristics, I was looking for reassurance in any form. Until that point, I had lived my life as a reasonably feminine female who did not have trouble finding straight boyfriends. While I had a hard time identifying with heterosexual dating scripts, I at least knew how to follow them. As a masculine person, I found that the rules changed. Straight guys no longer flirted with me, and what on earth would gay guys think of me? (Of course, there are straight and gay trans men, but they are relatively few and far between.) I sometimes felt more like a curiosity than dating material.
Dating experiences among transgender people must be incredibly varied due to the multiplicity of identities, sexual orientations, and bodies represented within the community. At the same time, each attempt to form a new relationship poses some degree of risk for a transgender person. A date does not have to react with violence or hostility to make a trans person feel disconnected, feel not enough of something – not man enough, not woman enough, not queer enough.
Dating presents another layer of challenges for transgender people trying to be themselves, and be loved and accepted as such. The will to keep in the game can require a great deal of resilience and self-esteem, and the journey is rarely clear and simple.
But hey, that’s what makes for good webcomic material after all.
Morgan Boecher is a Florida-grown New Yorker who is working on a Master of Science at Columbia University’s School of Social Work while he creates a comic about being trans male called What’s Normal Anyway, which he updates every Monday at whatsnormalanyway.net.
You also might find these posts interesting:
- Transgender Day of Remembrance
- Being Transgender at Ladies Night: A Teachable Moment
- Trans* Health: Finding a New Doctor for General Medical Issues
I’m a bit late on this thread. just to ilbatsesh certain things I’m a ciswoman. had an ex fiance who was a transman. Have a close buddy who is a transman. And I live in a country where intersex people and transwomen are worshiped and feared for having divine powers. So that’s how I’m here on this website and have been for some time. Anyway, Grtransguy you’ve taken the words out of my mouth.I feel it’s good that you are open to talking about answering questions. To answer or not, is everyone’s prerogative. Everyone’s circumstances vary. No one should stand in judgement of another person. What works for one transperson need not work for another. And each to his own, I say.But I feel it is better to learn about trans issues from a transperson themselves.Since it is so much more personalized. Turning to the media (books, tv, internet) for answers is not the same.Also to assume most cispeople are out to get transpeople, make fun of them or ask questions for their cheap thrills is unfortunate and very demeaning.In every culture what can be asked and what cannot be discussed varies. In a place like American which is so multicultural and heterogenous, it must be much tougher to decide what the boundaries are. what is okay with one group of people may not be okay with another group of people.Personally I am very grateful to transpeople who take the time off to educate. Who are kindhearted about the unintentional lack of finesse some cispeople may have and make allowances for them.My first brush with transwomen was with the Hijra community, in my country was when I was younger. They used to come to collect alms. People used to be afraid to open their doors to them. I was secretly a bit scared. Fear is learned. Later on, I clearly remember being in the 6th grade and my mom was waiting with me for the school bus and a group of transwomen were going about collecting alms. One of them, a lovely, very beautiful transwoman smiled at me. It was a kind smile. She figuratively put her hand out to me, and I was a changed person. I have never feared the hijra community after that. What you dont know, you fear, and what you fear you hate. Anyway I used to frequent an LGBT center in my city and I eventually had the opportunity to talk to some ladies from the hijra community. And that deepened my great respect for them. If I ever thought I was different’ from them, after speaking to them I realised that we were the same in many of our likes and dislikes and attitudes. It’s always good to mix and mingle with people who you perceive to be different. You’ll see that many times, we are more like than unlike each other.I feel every relationship is a two way street. You have to give to get. I’m glad there are men like you grtransguy. Everyone is different about the Q&A part which is but natural. But what you put out you get back. I say spend some time educating people and you will get an educated response. Ignore the ignorant, and you will get only ignorance. This is my personal opinion. Saying that, I’d also say it is physically and mentally and emotionally demanding to open yourself to people. As a muslim woman who has to constantly deal with stereotypes and people thinking all muslims are terrorists and all muslims demean their women, gosh it can get really quite tough to educate people. Some days I snap off answers and bite peoples heads off. Other days I just get jaded and ignore. And thank God that when it really matters I have found the strength to open my mouth and talk somehow I find the strength to, and educate an ignorant person. I cannot do it all the time, it is EXHAUSTING. But when I can, I do.Like I say, each to his own.